- OFFICER 1: This is D.C. Metro Police. Identify yourself.
- PETER: My friends are in there! Stop!
- Return to the ground immediately.
- -Okay, who’s next? FLASH: Me, it’s my turn.
- NED: Flash, seriously? What are you doing?
- -Come on. LIZ: Don’t worry about the trophy.
- OFFICER 1: Stand down!
- Return to the ground immediately.
- Return to the ground or we will open fire!
- OFFICER 2: Go up, go up.
- PETER: I got this.
- Take my trophy.
- OFFICER 1: This is your last chance.
- PETER: I’m gonna die.
- Break!
- I did it. Whoa!
- [IN NEW YORK ACCENT] Hey, how you doing? Don’t worry. I got you.
- -Yes! Yes. PETER [IN NORMAL VOICE]: Hey, hey.
- -Big guy, quit moving around. -I’m sorry, sir.
- PETER: This is your stop. -Come on, Liz.
- PETER: Go, go, go. Everybody out. Move it, people. Move it, move it.
- PETER: Liz!
- You’re okay. You’re okay.
- Come on up. Come on, you guys, stay back.
- MAN 1: Come on in. MAN 2: You guys good?
- [IN NEW YORK ACCENT] So is everyone okay?
- KAREN: This is your chance, Peter.
- Kiss her.
- Thank you.
- Are you really friends with Peter Parker?
- I can finish the next order, but without any new materials from that truck….
- Yeah, damn it.
- We still have enough to do the Gargan deal though, right?
- Yeah, but then that’s it.
- Oh. Maybe it is time that I built the high-altitude seal.
- -Would you shut up about that? -It’s only one job.
- No.
- Eight years, not a word from the feds, nothing from those…
- …Halloween-costume-wearing bozos up there in Stark Tower.
- And then all of a sudden, this little bastard in red tights shows up.
- And he thinks he can tear down everything I’ve built.
- Really?
- I’m gonna kill him.
- -I’m gonna find him– -I found him.
- REPORTER [ON TV]: The Spider-Man swooped in…
- …heroically saving an Academic Decathlon team from Queens.
- The identity of the masked hero is still unknown.
- -Mom. WOMAN: Oh, kids. All right.
- Peter. Come here, come here, come here.
- This past weekend, Midtown’s Academic Decathlon team…
- …defeated the country’s best to win the national championship.
- Later that day, they also defeated death.
- Explosion. Sally scream. Flash scream. Everybody screaming.
- There were purple lasers and smoke. It was **** tight, like a Bon Jovi concert.
- As you know, we made it out alive, and that’s the important thing.
- I couldn’t bear to lose a student on a school trip.
- Not again.
- Thankfully, no one was seriously injured thanks to the Spider-Man.
- -Thank you, Spider-Man. -Thank you, Spider-Man.
- JASON: Up next: the Spider-Man mania is sweeping the school.
- How can you show your spider spirit?
- Dude, dude, dude.
- What is it like being famous when nobody knows it’s you?
- -Crazy, dude. -It’s crazy.
- -Should we tell everyone? -No.
- -Should I tell everyone? -No, dude. That’s not a good idea.
- -Okay, come on, we’ll be late to class. -I’m not going to class.
- You’re already in trouble for ditching the decathlon.
- Dude, listen, I figured it out. The wingsuit guy is stealing from Damage Control.
- What he takes from Damage Control, that’s how he builds the weapons.
- -So all I gotta do is catch him. -But we have a Spanish quiz.
- Ned, I’m probably never gonna come back here.
- Mr. Stark is moving the Avengers upstate…
- -…so when I bring this guy in– -Dude.
- You want to be a high school dropout?
- I am so far beyond high school right now.
- Parker, my office.
- So…
- …you got detention. You screwed up. You know what you did was wrong.
- The question is, how are you gonna make things right?
- Maybe you were trying to be cool. But take it from a guy who’s been frozen for 65 years…
- …the only way to really be cool is to follow the rules.
- We all know what’s right. We all know what’s wrong.
- Next time those turkeys try to convince you of something…
- -…you know is wrong… -Where you going? Get back here.
- …just think to yourself, what would Captain America do?
- Why are you here? You don’t have detention.
- Oh, I know. I just like coming here to sketch people in crisis.
- It’s you.
- So your body’s changing. Believe me, I know how that feels.
- May?
- Hey, Karen. What’s up?
- KAREN: Hey, Peter. How was your Spanish quiz?
- I was wondering if you could help me. I’m trying to figure out who the guys under the bridge were that night…
- …but I can only remember part of a license plate.
- I can run facial recognition on the footage of that encounter.
- -Footage? -Yes, Peter.
- I record everything you see.
- -Everything? -Everything.
- -All the time? -It’s called the Baby Monitor Protocol.
- Yeah, of course it is. Um….
- -Yeah, just roll it back to last Friday. -With pleasure.
- PETER [ON VIDEO]: Hey, everyone. Yeah, kick-ass party.
- Hey, what’s up, Liz? Peter’s told me a lot about you.
- No, no, no. This is just me messing around. Go later in the day, later in the day.
- PETER [IN BRITISH ACCENT]: It is I, Thor, son of Odin.
- No, no, no. That’s definitely– That’s definitely not what we wanted to watch.
- KAREN: Your impressions are funny. -Fast-forward to the arms deal.
- The two on the right, who are they?
- KAREN: Searching law-enforcement databases.
- No records found for two of the individuals.
- -Nothing? KAREN: One individual identified. Aaron Davis, age 33.
- He has a criminal record and an address here in Queens.
- Let’s pay him a visit.
- KAREN: Would you like me to activate the Enhanced Interrogation Protocol?
- Uh, yeah.
- -[IN DEEP VOICE] Remember me? -Hey–
- I need information. You’ll give it to me now.
- -All right, chill. -Come on!
- -What happened to your voice? -What do you mean?
- I heard you by the bridge. I know what a girl sound like.
- I’m not a girl. I’m a boy. I mean, I’m a– I’m a man.
- I don’t care what you are, a boy, a girl–
- I’m not a girl. I’m a man.
- Come on, man. Look, who is selling these weapons?
- I need to know. Give me names or else.
- -You ain’t ever done this before, huh? -Deactivate Interrogation Mode.
- [IN NORMAL VOICE] Look, man. These guys are selling weapons that are crazy dangerous.
- They can’t be out on the streets. If one of them can cut Delmar’s Bodega in half–
- -You know Delmar’s? -Yeah, best sandwich in Queens.
- -Sub Haven’s pretty good. -Eh, it’s too much bread.
- -I like bread. -Come on, man, please.
- Stupid Interrogation Mode. Karen, don’t ever do that again.
- The other night, you told that dude, “If you shoot somebody, shoot me.”
- It’s pretty ballsy.
- I don’t want those weapons in this neighborhood. I got a nephew who live here.
- Who are these guys? What can you tell me about the guy with the wings?
- Other than he’s a psychopath dressed like a demon, nothing. I don’t know who he is or where he is.
- -I do know where he’s gonna be. -Really?
- Yeah, this crazy dude I used to work with… …he’s supposed to be doing a deal with him.
- Yes! Yes.
- -Thank– -Hey. Hey. Hey.
- I didn’t tell you where. You don’t have a location.
- Right, of course. Yeah, my bad. Silly. Just–
- -Where is it? -Can I give you some advice?
- -Hmm? -You gotta get better at this part of the job.
- I don’t understand.
- I’m intimidating.
- -Staten Island Ferry, 11. -Oh, that’s soon.
- That’s gonna dissolve in two hours.
- No, no, no. Come fix this.
- -Two hours. You deserve that. -I got ice cream in here.
- You deserve that. You’re a criminal. Bye, Mr. Criminal.
- Nice.
- Okay, Karen, activate Enhanced Reconnaissance Mode.
- KAREN: Sure thing.
- TOOMES: He’s up front, main deck.
- I hate this guy.
- It’s the guy from the bridge, right? Who’s that other guy?
- TOOMES: Just keep me posted.
- KAREN: There’s no record of him in my criminal database.
- Incoming call from May Parker. Should I reroute to your heads-up display?
- I can’t talk right now. I’ll call her back.
- Hey, dronie, keep an eye on that guy. We can’t let anybody get away this time.
- PETER: Who’s the guy on the left? KAREN: Mac Gargan.
- Extensive criminal record, including homicide.
- Would you like me to activate Instant Kill?
- No, Karen, stop it with the Instant Kill already.
- White pickup truck.
- Dronie, scan the ship for a white pickup truck.
- Oh, this is too perfect.
- I got the weapons, buyers and sellers in one place.
- KAREN: Incoming call from Tony Stark. -No, no, no.
- -Don’t answer. -Mr. Parker. Got a sec?
- -Uh, I’m actually at school. KAREN: No, you’re not.
- -Nice work in D.C. -Okay.
- My dad never really gave me a lot of support…
- …and I’m trying to break the cycle of shame.
- Uh, I’m in the middle of something.
- Don’t cut me off when I’m complimenting you.
- Anyway, great things are about to–
- TONY: What is that? -Uh, I’m at band practice.
- That’s odd. Happy told me you quit band six weeks ago. What’s up?
- -I gotta go. Uh, end call. -Hey.
- I’ll take those!
- Hey, guys. The illegal-weapons-deal ferry was at 10:30. You missed it.
- RANDY: Spider guy’s here.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Not so fast.
- Are you guys okay? My bad. That was a little hard.
- I got to say, the other guy was way better with that thing.
- I’m honestly– I’m– I’m shocked.
- MAN 1: Freeze! FBI. -Don’t move.
- MAN 1: Get on the ground. MAN 2: FBI.
- What do you mean, FBI?
- KAREN: Federal Bureau of Investigation. -I know, but what are they doing here?
- Get out of the way. Get out of the way!
- Look out, look out, look out. Move, move, move!
- -Move. TOOMES: Get to the top deck. We’re getting out of here.
- Activate Taser web!
- You’re messing with things you don’t understand.
- Oh, my God. What do I do? Karen…
- …give me an x-ray of the boat and target all the strongest points.
- Web grenade. Web grenade.
- Splitter web, go.
- KAREN: Great job, Peter. You are 98 percent successful.
- -Ninety-eight? -Yeah, Spider-Man!
- What the hell?
- What the hell?
- Hi, Spider-Man.
- Band practice, was it?
- Yeah, Iron Man!
- Uh, Mr. Stark.
- Hey, Mr. Stark, could I do anything? What do you want me to do?
- I think you’ve done enough.
- TOOMES: So that’s it. You’re just gonna run?
- Feds were waiting for us.
- Now we’re on Iron Man’s radar?
- Yeah, I’m running.
- You should too.
- You know I can’t do that.
- So now what?
- Mason, can you get that high-altitude seal thing up and running in time?
- Seriously?
- Yes. You will not regret this.
- You in?
- TONY: Previously on Peter Screws the Pooch… …I tell you to stay away from this.
- Instead, you hacked a multimillion-dollar suit… …so you could sneak around behind my back…
- -…doing the one thing I told you not to do. -Is everyone okay?
- TONY: No thanks to you.
- No thanks to me?
- Those weapons were out there, and I tried to tell you about it… …but you didn’t listen.
- None of this would’ve happened if you had just listened to me.
- If you even cared, you’d actually be here.
- I did listen, kid. Who do you think called the FBI, huh?
- Do you know I was the only one who believed in you?
- Everyone else said I was crazy to recruit a 14-year-old kid.
- -I’m 15. -No, this is where you zip it, all right?
- The adult is talking. What if somebody had died tonight?
- Different story, right? Because that’s on you.
- And if you died…
- …I feel like that’s on me.
- -I don’t need that on my conscience. -Yes, sir.
- -I’m sorry. I understand. -Sorry doesn’t cut it.
- I just wanted to be like you.
- And I wanted you to be better.
- It’s not working out. I’m gonna need the suit back.
- -For how long? -Forever.
- -Yeah, that’s how it works. -No, no. Please.
- -Let’s have it. -Please, this is all I have.
- I’m nothing without this suit.
- If you’re nothing without this suit, then you shouldn’t have it. Okay?
- God, I sound like my dad.
- I don’t have any other clothes.
- Okay, we’ll sort that out.
- I’ve been calling you all day. You didn’t answer your phone. You can’t do that.
- Then this ferry thing happens.
- I’ve called five police stations.
- Five. I called five of your friends. I called Ned’s mother.
- I’m fine. May, I’m okay. Honestly, just relax. I’m fine.
- Cut the bullshit. I know you left detention.
- I know you left the hotel room in Washington.
- I know you sneak out of this house every night. That’s not fine.
- Peter, you have to tell me what’s going on. Just lay it out.
- It’s just me and you.
- I lost the Stark internship.
- -What? -Yeah.
- What happened?
- I just thought that I could work really hard and he could– He would– You know.
- But I screwed it up.
- It’s okay, it’s okay.
- It’s okay.
- I’m sorry I made you worry.
- I’m not trying to ruin your life.
- Yeah, I know.
- -I used to sneak out too. -Yeah.
- And take a shower. You smell.
- You smell like garbage.
- I know.
- Peter, you’re a good kid and you’re a smart kid… …so just try to keep your head straight, okay?
- Okay.
- All right, get out of here.
- Are you expelled?
- Do you have to go to that high school where the principal has a crossbow?
- Pretty sure that’s an urban myth, and, no, I’m not expelled.
- You’re so lucky.
- Hey.
- -Hey. -I thought you had calculus fifth period.
- Yeah, I was just doing some homecoming stuff.
- Hey, look, I, uh–
- I just wanted to apologize about the whole decathlon thing.
- It’s fine.
- Last week, decathlon was the most important thing, but then I almost died.
- No, I’m–
- I just mean that…
- …it was not cool, especially…
- …because…
- …I like you.
- I know.
- You do?
- You’re terrible at keeping secrets.
- Yeah, you’d be surprised.
- I got to get to class, but, um–
- I’d say we should hang out, but I’m gonna be in detention for…
- -Uh-huh. -…ever, but, um–
- I guess you already have a date to homecoming.
- Actually, I was so busy planning it, I never really got around to that part, so–
- Uh, do you want to… …go with me?
- Yeah. Sure.
- Really? I mean, uh, great. Cool.
- Cool.
- I’m actually going that way.
- May, I need your help.
- MAY: It’s game day. So, what’s the plan?
- -Open the door for her. -Mm-hm.
- Tell her she looks nice, but not too much because that’s creepy.
- -Don’t be creepy. -No.
- When I dance with her, I’m putting my hands on her hips.
- I got this.
- You must be Peter.
- Yeah.
- I’m Liz’s dad.
- Put her there.
- Hell of a grip.
- Come on in here. Come on.
- Hi, Peter.
- You look very handsome.
- You got his name right?
- -Freddie? -Peter.
- -Peter. Peter. -Heh.
- I’m gonna go get Liz.
- You all right, Pete?
- Because you look pale.
- You want something to drink? A bourbon or a Scotch, or something like that?
- I’m not old enough to drink.
- That’s the right answer.
- Wow.
- -Wow, wow, wow. Do you look beautiful. -Please don’t embarrass me, Dad.
- Doesn’t she, Pete?
- Yeah, you look really good.
- Once again, that’s the right answer.
- Is that a corsage?
- Thanks.
- Well, hey, I’m your chauffeur, so, uh, let’s get this show on the road.
- No, no, no, we have to take some pictures, babe. All right.
- -Oh, right here. Perfect. -Mom.
- Okay. Come on, you guys.
- Peter, closer.
- Smile.
- There you go.
- -Sir, you don’t have to drive us. -No, no, it’s not a big deal.
- I’m going out of town. It’s right on my way.
- -He’s always going. Have fun. TOOMES: Last time.
- LIZ: Thank you. TOOMES: Promise.
- -He’s cute. LIZ: Shh.
- -See you in a couple of days. All right. -Bye, baby.
- Come on, Pedro.
- -Bye, Peter. Have fun. PETER: Yeah, I will.
- TOOMES: What are you gonna do, Pete? -What?
- When you graduate, what do you think you’ll do?
- -Oh, um, I don’t know. -Don’t grill him, Dad.
- Just saying, you know.
- All you guys who go to that school… …you pretty much have your life planned out, right?
- Yeah, no, I’m just a sophomore.
- Peter has an internship with Tony Stark. I think he doesn’t have to worry.
- -Really? Stark? -Mm-hm.
- So cool.
- What do you do?
- Yeah, actually, I don’t intern for him anymore.
- -Seriously? -Yeah, it got, um…
- …boring.
- It was boring? You got to hang out with Spider-Man.
- Really? Spider-Man?
- Wow. What’s he like?
- Yeah, he’s nice.
- Nice man.
- Solid dude.
- Look. So cute.
- I’ve seen you around, right? I mean…
- …somewhere. We’ve, uh– Have we ever–? Because even the voice–
- Um, he does Academic Decathlon with me.
- -Oh. -And he was at my party.
- It was a great party, really great, yeah.
- -Beautiful house, a lot of windows. Heh. -You were there for, like, two seconds.
- PETER: That was– I was there longer than two seconds.
- LIZ: You disappeared. -No. No, I did not disappear.
- Yes, you did. You disappeared like you always do, like you did in D.C. too.
- Whew. That’s terrible what happened down there in D.C., though.
- Were you scared?
- I’ll bet you were glad when your old pal Spider-Man… …showed up in the elevator, though, huh?
- Yeah, well, I actually didn’t go up. I saw it all from the ground.
- Very lucky that he was there that day.
- Good old Spider-Man.
- Dad, the light.
- Here we are. End of the line.
- Thanks, Dad.
- You head in there, gumdrop.
- I’m gonna give Peter the, uh, “dad” talk.
- Don’t let him intimidate you.
- Love you.
- -Love you, gumdrop. LIZ: Have a safe flight.
- You guys look so pretty.
- Does she know?
- Know what?
- So she doesn’t. Good.
- Close to the vest. I admire that.
- I’ve got a few secrets of my own.
- Of all the reasons I didn’t want my daughter to date….
- Peter… …nothing is more important than family.
- You saved my daughter’s life. I could never forget something like that.
- So I’m gonna give you one chance.
- Are you ready?
- You walk through those doors, you forget any of this happened…
- …and don’t you ever, ever…
- …interfere with my business again.
- Because if you do…
- …I’ll kill you…
- …and everybody you love.
- I’ll kill you dead.
- That’s what I’ll do to protect my family. Do you understand?
- Hey.
- I just saved your life. Now, what do you say?
- Thank you.
- You’re welcome.
- Now, you go on in there and you show my daughter a good time, okay?
- Just not too good.
- What did he say to you?
- Gotta go.
- I’m sorry.
- You don’t deserve this.
- He gave you a choice.
- -You chose wrong. -What the hell?
- What’s with the crappy costume?
- My web-shooters.
- I wasn’t sure about this thing at first, but damn.
- Ugh. Gross.
- PETER: Why did he send you here? -Guess you’ll never know.
- PETER: Nice shot!
- Yes!
- Ned, the guy with the wings is Liz’s dad.
- -What? -I gotta tell Mr. Stark. Call Happy Hogan. He’s Mr. Stark’s head of security.
- Get a computer and track my phone.
- -Will you be okay? -Hurry, we gotta catch him…
- …before he leaves town.
- I’m sorry about dinner…
- …but I know when branzino’s fresh, and that was not fresh, okay? So–
- [IN GRAVELLY VOICE] Flash, I need your car and phone.
- Uh, sir, technically, this is my dad’s car, sir. So I can’t–
- [IN NORMAL VOICE] Hello, Ned? Hey, hey, can you hear me?
- -Go for Ned. -Ned, I need you…
- -…to track my phone. -Yeah, but where is it?
- Genius move. Okay, he just passed the GameStop on Jackson Avenue.
- Hey, where are the headlights on this thing? I’m in Flash’s car.
- -I’ll pull the specs. -Okay, you’re on speakerphone.
- -You stole Flash’s car. Awesome. -Yeah, it’s awesome. It’s–
- Get out of the way, get out of the way! Move!
- -Are you okay? -I’ve never driven before…
- …only with May in parking lots. This is a huge step up.
- Hey, have you gotten through to Happy yet?
- Yeah. I’m working on it. I just gotta backdoor the phone system.
- Guy in the chair.
- HAPPY [ON SCREEN]: Takeoff in nine minutes.
- -Hello? Hello? Who is this? -Uh….
- -Mr. Happy, it’s Ned. -Who?
- I’m an associate of Peter Parker. Got something very important to tell you–
- You gotta be shitting me.
- Damn.
- Hey, Ned, how we coming on with those headlights?
- Round knob to the left of the steering wheel, turn clockwise.
- Left, okay.
- Okay, perfect. So where’s my phone now?
- He stopped in an old industrial park in Brooklyn.
- What? That makes no sense. He said he was going out of town.
- NED: Weird. Oh, I reached Mr. Happy. Don’t think he likes you, by the way.
- It sounded like he was catching a flight.
- He said something about taking off in nine minutes.
- -What? -He was surrounded by boxes.
- Boxes? It’s moving day.
- It’s moving day. He’s gonna rob that plane.
- I gotta stop him!
- HAPPY: All right, wheels up in eight minutes.
- We just got to load Tony’s old Hulkbuster armor…
- …prototype for Cap’s new shield, and the Meging–
- The Meg– The–
- Thor’s magic belt.
- Okay, slow down. You’re getting close. It’s on your right.
- -What? -Turn right.
- -Peter. Are you okay? -Yeah.
- Just keep trying to get through to Happy.
- It’s been an honor, Spider-Man.
- What are you doing here? There’s a dance.
- I’m…
- …looking…
- …at porn.
- Hey!
- Surprised?
- Oh, hey, Pete.
- I didn’t hear you come in.
- It’s over. I’ve got you.
- You know, I gotta tell you, Pete…
- …I really, really admire your grit.
- I see why Liz likes you.
- I do. When you first came to the house…
- …I wasn’t sure. I thought, “Really?” But I get it now.
- PETER: How could you do this to her?
- To her? I’m not doing anything to her, Pete.
- I’m doing this for her.
- Hm. Yeah.
- Peter…
- …you’re young. You don’t understand how the world works.
- But I understand that selling weapons to criminals is wrong.
- How do you think your buddy Stark paid for that tower?
- Or any of his little toys?
- Those people, Pete, those people up there… …the rich and the powerful, they do whatever they want.
- Guys like us…
- …like you and me…
- …they don’t care about us.
- We build their roads, and we fight all their wars…
- …and everything, but they don’t care about us.
- We have to pick up after them. We have to eat their table scraps.
- That’s how it is.
- I know you know what I’m talking about, Peter.
- Why are you telling me this?
- Because I want you to understand.
- And…
- …I needed a little time to get her airborne.
- I’m sorry, Peter.
- What are you talking about? That thing hasn’t even touched me yet.
- True. Then again…
- …wasn’t really trying to.
- MASON: Chief, they’re powering up engines.
- -Okay. Yeah, yeah. -Come on, come on, come on.
- Okay, ready?
- Hello?
- Hello!
- Please, hey.
- Hey, please. I’m down here.
- I’m down here. I’m stuck.
- I’m stuck. I can’t move. I can’t–
- TONY: If you’re nothing without this suit, then you shouldn’t have it.
- Come on, Peter.
- Come on, Spider-Man. Come on, Spider-Man.
- Come on, Spider-Man.
- Come on, Spider-Man!
- Launch for intercept. Green light. Green light.
- Oh, yeah.
- Retroreflective panels engaged.
- Got a visual on the plane, but I’m feeling a little resistance.
- MASON: It’s probably just drag on the new turbines.
- Look out for the cloaking cameras. Stay in the blind spots.
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- Deploying high-altitude vacuum seal.
- This better work, Mason.
- MASON: Trust me, boss, even one of those boxes and we are set for life.
- MASON: You have 30 seconds to get to the cockpit… …and override their security.
- Cloning transponder signal.
- Launching decoy drone.
- Entering new coordinates.
- HAPPY: Good, so it’s on its way.
- MAN: Yes, sir, right on course. -Okay, thank you.
- All right.
- Hot dog.
- Just a typical homecoming…
- …on the outside of an invisible jet…
- …fighting my girlfriend’s dad. Oh!
- I can’t believe that worked. Whoa!
- Chief, they’re losing altitude. Get out of there.
- I’m not going home empty-handed.
- Oh, my God.
- MASON: Get out. What are you doing? -Please turn, please turn!
- Hey, Pedro.
- Bingo.
- Your wingsuit.
- Your wingsuit’s going to explode!
- Time to go home, Pete.
- I’m trying to save you!
- It looked so insane. That whole– Like, it was just crazy.
- He– He was just, like:
- -And you were like, “Aah!” -Shh.
- And then I just hit him with the: whoosh.
- It was so– Oh, my God.
- I mean, you saved me.
- It was awesome.
- Hey, Liz.
- I’m gonna miss you.
- Bye.
- Liz, look, I’m so sorry.
- You say that a lot. What are you sorry for this time?
- The dance?
- That, um, was a pretty crappy thing to do.
- Well, yeah, but I– I mean, your dad– I can’t imagine what you’re going through.
- If there’s anything I can do to help….
- I guess we’re moving to Oregon.
- Mom says it’s nice there, so that’s cool.
- Anyways, Dad doesn’t want us here during the trial. So….
- Liz, I– I–
- Bye, Peter.
- Whatever’s going on with you, I hope you figure it out.
- Congratulations, decathlon national champions.
- I’ll have to put this back in the trophy case soon…
- …but just for motivation right now at this practice.
- I’m ahead of the game, but we will need… …a new team captain next year.
- So I am appointing Michelle.
- Uh, thank you.
- My– My friends call me MJ.
- I thought you didn’t have any friends.
- I didn’t.
- -I, uh, gotta go. -Hey, where you going?
- What are you hiding, Peter?
- I’m just kidding. I don’t care. Bye.
- -All right, so we should run some drills. NED: Yeah.
- Hey, Happy. What, uh–? What are you doing here?
- I really owe you one.
- I don’t know what I would do without this job.
- I mean, before I met Tony–
- So, uh, how long you been here?
- Long enough to be awkward. Boss wants to see you.
- -[WHISPERS] Is he here too? -In the toilet? No, he’s upstate.
- [IN NORMAL VOICE] Upstate– Like, “upstate” upstate?
- Yeah, let’s go.
- Take a look.
- It’s pretty impressive, huh?
- They just finished remodeling the whole thing.
- -You don’t see that every day. -Oh, there they are.
- How was the ride up?
- -Good. -Give me a minute with the kid.
- -Seriously? -Yeah.
- I gotta talk to the kid.
- I’ll be close behind.
- How about a loose follow? All right? Boundaries are good.
- Sorry I took your suit.
- You had it coming. Actually, it turns out it was…
- …the perfect tough-love moment that you needed.
- To urge you on, right? Wouldn’t you think? Don’t you think?
- -I guess. -Let’s just say it was.
- -Mr. Stark, I really– -You screwed the pooch hard, bigtime.
- But then you did the right thing.
- Took the dog to the free clinic, you raised the hybrid puppies….
- All right, not my best analogy.
- I was wrong about you.
- I think, with a little more mentoring… …you could be a real asset to the team.
- -To the–? To the team? -Yeah. Anyway…
- …there’s about 50 reporters behind that door. Real ones, not bloggers.
- When you’re ready…
- …why don’t you try that on?
- And I’ll introduce the world to the newest official member of the Avengers:
- Spider-Man.
- TONY: Yeah, give that a look.
- After the press conference, Happy will show you to your room… …your new quarters.
- Where’s he between? He’s next to Vision?
- -Yeah, Vision’s not big on doors. -It’s fun.
- Or walls.
- You’ll fit right in.
- Thank you, Mr. Stark.
- But I’m good.
- You’re good? Good–? How are you good?
- Well, I mean, I’d rather just stay on the ground for a little while.
- Friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. Somebody’s got to look out for the little guy, right?
- You’re turning me down?
- You better think about this. Look at that.
- Look at me.
- Last chance. Yes or no?
- -No. -Okay.
- It’s kind of a Springsteen-y, working-class hero vibe that I dig.
- Uh, Happy will take you home.
- Mind waiting in the car? I need a minute.
- -Thank you, Mr. Stark. -Yes, Mr. Parker, very well.
- -See you around. -Okay.
- That was a test, right?
- -There’s nobody back there? -Yes, you passed.
- -All right, skedaddle there, young buck. -Thank you, Mr. Stark.
- TONY: Yeah, thank you.
- Told you he’s a good kid.
- -Where’s the kid? -He left.
- -Everybody’s waiting. -He actually made a mature choice.
- -It just surprised the heck out of us. -Did you screw this up?
- -He told the kid to go wait in the car. -Are you kidding?
- I have a room full of people in there waiting… …for some big announcement. What will I tell them?
- Think of something. How about, um…?
- -Hap, you still got that ring? -Do I–? I–?
- -The engagement ring. -Are you kidding?
- I’ve been carrying this since 2008.
- Okay.
- I think I can think of something better than that.
- Well, it would buy us a little time.
- Like we need time.
- PEPPER: I can’t believe you have that in your pocket.
- -Want me to get the door for you, hon? -I got it.
- PETER: Aunt May, did you do dinner already?
- May?
- What the fu–?!
- GARGAN: Look who it is.
- What are the odds you and I’d end up at the same summer camp?
- Relax.
- This? It’s not on you.
- It’s on our, uh, little spider friend.
- I’ve got some boys on the outside who would love to meet him.
- You know, take a picture, slice his throat, put his head in a dryer.
- And I heard a rumor.
- You know who he is.
- If I knew who he was…
- …he’d already be dead.
- Toomes, your family’s here!
- Hi, I’m Captain America, here to talk to you…
- …about one of the most valuable traits a soldier or student can have.
- Patience.
- Sometimes patience is the key to victory.
- Sometimes it leads to very little… …and it seems like it’s not worth it.
- And you wonder… …why you waited so long for something so disappointing.
- How many more of these?
