- Okay, pick a card.[br]Any card.
All right, now memorize it.
Show it to everybody.
Got it?
All right.[br]Give it back to me.
Five of hearts.
- Real magic does exist.
Joey, how do you do it?
I can’t tell you that.
Somebody’s at the door on the ceiling. - That’s our unbelievably loud[br]upstairs neighbor.
He took up the carpets,[br]and now you can hear everything.
Why don’t you go ask him[br]to just, “Step lightly, please?”
- I have, like five times.[br]But the guy is so charming. . .
. . .I go up there to yell,[br]then I end up apologizing to him.
- That is silly!
I’ll go up and tell him[br]to keep it down.
-All right, be my guest.[br]-Good luck.
- All right, all right. . .
. . .if you wanna know how I did it,[br]I’ll show you.
When you handed me back the card,[br]what you didn’t see was. . .
. . .I looked at it so fast,[br]it was invisible to the naked eye.
I just did it.
Just did it again.
Here, I’ll slow it down[br]so you guys can see it. Ready?
-I got it now![br]-Okay.
Thank you.
The One Where Chandler[br]Can’t Remember Which Sister
Czech Subtitles and Rip by[br].:staz:. (staz@post.cz)
Anybody got a length of rope about[br]6 feet long, with a noose at the end?
-Honey, what’s the matter?[br]-I just saw Janice.
She was at Rockefeller Center, skating[br]with her husband. She looked so happy.
I almost feel bad for whipping[br]that kid’s pretzel at them.
I remember the first time I saw[br]Katherine after we broke up.
She was walking and talking[br]with her friend, Donna.
God, it killed me!
But you ended up having sex[br]with both of them that afternoon.
Sorry, I just–[br]Any excuse to tell that story.
There’s a party tomorrow.[br]You’ll feel better then.
I’m gonna be okay. You don’t[br]have to throw a party for me.
It’s Joey’s birthday.
Then if anybody should have a party,[br]it should be him.
I cannot believe[br]she’s still up there.
Well, he totally[br]screwed up the punch line.
You know, it’s supposed to be–
How’s that coffee coming, dear?
Right away, Mr. Kaplan.
- I’m not suppose to drink it.[br]It makes me gassy.
I know.
I’ll bet you’re thinking,[br]”What’s an intelligent girl. . .
. . .who wants to be in fashion[br]doing making coffee?”
You got me.
Don’t think I haven’t noticed[br]your potential.
I’ve got a project for you[br]that’s a lot more related to fashion.
-How does that sound?[br]-That sounds great!
-Come on over here, sweetheart.[br]-Thank you so much.
- I need these hangers separated[br]ASAP.
You’re welcome.
Oh, God, I hate my job![br]I hate it.
I know, honey. I’m sorry.
I want to quit, but then I think I[br]should stick it out.
Then I think:
“Why would a person stay[br]in such a demeaning job. . .
. . .just because it’s remotely related[br]to the field they’re interested in?
Gee, I don’t know, Rach.
Order up! Yentl soup, James Beans,[br]and a Howdy, hold the Doody.
Come on, I’m sorry.[br]I didn’t–
I don’t mind paying my dues.
But how much[br]will I learn about fashion. . .
. . .by walking Myra,[br]the arthritic seamstress. . .
. . .to the bathroom?
Hi.
Is my misery amusing to you?
- I’m sorry, I was just. . . .
- It’s not funny.[br]This is actually my job.
Believe me, I’ve been there.
I had to sort mannequin heads[br]at that Mannequins Plus.
I’m just gonna go back[br]to talking to my friend here.
You can go back to enjoying[br]your little hamburger.
Just one other thing.
I work at Bloomingdale’s.
I might know of a possible job,[br]if you’re interested.
- Do you want my pickle?
- Hey, guys.
-Hey, Gunther.[br]-Hi.
You’re going on a date[br]with the noisy guy upstairs?
Well, he’s very charming.
He’s too charming!
But if you go out,[br]it’ll be harder for me to hate him.
- You’ll just have to try.
Joey? Where are the Jell-O shots?
I don’t know. Chandler’s[br]supposed to be passing them–
Chandler!
Hello-dee-lo!
- Well, somebody’s feeling better.
-Stick out your tongue![br]-Take off your shirt!
-Oh, my![br]-Oh, my God!
How many did you have?[br]They’re pure vodka.
Yeah, Jell-O.[br]Just like Mom used to make.
- The most unbelievable thing[br]happened today.
I had lunch at Monica’s[br]and met a guy. . .
. . .who works for a buyer[br]at Bloomingdale’s.
There’s an opening there![br]So I gave him my phone number. . .
. . .and he’ll call me this weekend[br]to get me an interview!
So this guy’s helping you[br]for no apparent reason?
And he’s a total stranger?
Yeah. His name is “Mark” something.
Sounds like “Mark Something”[br]wants to have some sex!
- What?
Why else would he swoop[br]in out of nowhere for no reason?
- To be nice?
Hey, Joey, are men ever nice[br]to strange women for no reason?
- -No, only for sex.[
- Thank you.
So did you tell[br]”Mark Something” about me?
I didn’t have to.[br]I was wearing. . .
. . .my “I Heart Ross” sandwich board[br]and ringing my bell.
- Joey![br]Happy birthday!
- How many of that girl are you seeing?
How hammered are you?[br]These are Joey’s sisters.
- Hi, Joey’s sisters!
What’re we drinking over here?
Well, I have a vodka[br]and cranberry juice.
No kidding?
That’s the same drink I made myself[br]right after I shot my husband.
Okay, I don’t know how[br]to talk to you.
What are you doing?
I’m taking my ex-girlfriend[br]off my speed dialer.
No, it’s a good thing.
Why must we dial so speedily anyway?[br]Why rush through life?
Why can’t we savor[br]the precious moments?
You have some huge breasts!
-Hi.[br]-Hi.
So I heard about this Mark guy[br]that Rachel met today.
Isn’t it great?
Yeah, pretty good.[br]He sounds like a nice, good guy.
Oh, he is.[br]And he is so dreamy!
I mean, when he left,[br]I actually used the phrase:
“Hummina, hummina, hummina. “
- That’s excellent.
So he’s “just a nice guy. “
Do you really think this Mark[br]doesn’t want anything for helping you?
- Well, I assume I’ll[br]have to take showers with him.
But that’s true of any job.
- How you feeling?
Well, my apartment isn’t[br]there anymore. . .
. . .because I drank it.
- Where’d you go? We lost you[br]after you opened up all the presents.
I ended up in the storage room,[br]and not alone.
No “woo-hooing. ” No “woo-hooing. “
- Why, what happened?
- I fooled around with Joey’s sister.
That’s not the worst part.
What is the worst part?
I can’t remember which sister.
- You see what men do?[br]Don’t tell me men are nice.
This is men!
- Are you insane?
Joey will kill you.[br]He’ll actually kill you dead.
- You don’t think I thought of that?
-How can you not know which one?[br]-That’s unbelievable.
-Was it Gina?[br]- - Which one’s Gina?
The dark, big hair,[br]with airplane earrings.
That’s Dina, not Gina.
See? You can’t tell[br]which is which either!
- We didn’t fool around[br]with any of them.
It’s got to be veronica.[br]The girl in the red skirt.
I definitely stuck my tongue[br]down her throat!
That was me.
When I drink, sometimes[br]I get overly friendly. . .
-. . .and I’m sorry.[br]-That’s okay.
-That’s all right.[br]-That’s okay.
- Can I talk to you for a second?
- Hey, Joey!
- Come on.
- Why can’t we talk in here. . .
. . .with witnesses?
I just got off the phone[br]with my sister.
- Which one?
- -Mary Angela.[br]-Mary Angela.
- Now which one is she again?
Ask Chandler.[br]He fooled around with her.
She told me you said[br]you could really fall for her.
Is that true, or are you just getting[br]over Janice by groping my sister?
- It’s gotta be the first one.
Really?
That’s great!
You and my sister, sitting in a tree!
- Yep, I’m in a tree.
Did he call? Did Mark call?
I’m sorry.[br]But the weekend’s not over yet.
Oh, my God! ls that Phoebe?
Guess they’re back from their date.
Music!
very nice!
- Oh, my God!
- So how are you?
- -I am good. I finished my book.[br]-What’s it about?
I don’t remember.[br]Do you want to take a walk?
“Dear Mary Angela:
Hi, how’s it going?
This is the hardest letter[br]I’ve ever had to write. “
What the hell’s the matter with you?
How will Joey react to you[br]blowing off his sister with a letter?
That’s where you tell him[br]that I moved to France. . .
. . .when actually I’ll be in Cuba.
Look, you’ve got to do this[br]yourself in person.
You know her name.
You just go to the house[br]and ask for Mary Angela.
When whichever one she is[br]comes to the door. . .
. . .take her for a walk[br]and let her down easy.
What if she comes to the door[br]and I ask for her?
Where in Cuba?
- What are you doing here?
Waiting for my grandma[br]to do my laundry.
What about you?
- I’m here to see Mary Angela.
- You are so the man! Come on.
Now look, listen.[br]Listen. . . .
Be cool, because Grandma[br]doesn’t know about you two.
You don’t want to tick her off.
She was, like, the sixth person[br]to spit on Mussolini’s hanging body.
Where’s Mary Angela?
She’s right in there.
-Hey, Chandler![br]-Hey, Chandler!
I can’t believe Mark didn’t call.
It’s Sunday night and he didn’t call.
Bummer.
- Yeah, right. Look at you.[br]You’re practically giddy.
- I’m genuinely sorry[br]the Mark thing didn’t work out.
Look, Rach, I want[br]only good things for you.
Wait a minute.[br]Why don’t you just call Mark?
Who says you have to sit[br]and wait for him?
You’ve got to make stuff happen!
Yeah, but you don’t[br]wanna seem too pushy.
It’s not pushy.[br]He gave her his home number.
He gave you his home number,[br]as in, to his home?
And you don’t mind if I call,[br]because you want good things for me.
That’s right, good things.[br]That is what I said.
Mark? Hi, it’s Rachel Greene.
Oh, no.[br]Don’t you apologize.
Yeah, I’ll hold.
He left my number at work.
Then he had to help his niece[br]with her report on the pioneers.
That is so made up!
Oh, my God! Tomorrow?
That’s–[br]No, it’s perfect.
Oh, God![br]Thank you so much!
Great.
I got the interview!
There you go!
He even offered to meet me for lunch[br]and prep me for it.
That is amazing!
Well, if I know Mark,[br]and I think I do. . .
. . .I’d expect nothing less.
I gotta figure out what to wear.
High collar and baggy pants say,[br]”I’m a pro! “
Yeah, right.
Okay, I’ll see you guys later.
You go get them!
What did I do to you?[br]Did I hurt you in some way?
What?
“Why don’t you call him?”
Thank you very much.[br]Now he’s gonna prep her. . .
. . .as in what you do before[br]you surgically remove the boyfriend!
- Are you crazy?
Am l? Am I out of my mind?[br]Am I losing my senses?
This dreamy guy’s taking my girlfriend[br]out for a meal!
This isn’t even about you!
It’s about something wonderful[br]happening for Rachel.
Even if you’re right,[br]and he wants to sleep with her. . .
. . .does that mean he gets to?
-No, but–[br]-Don’t you trust her?
- Then get over yourself![br]Grow up!
- You grow up.
This tiramisu is excellent.
Did you make it, Mary Angela?
No, I did.
Well, it’s yummy.
So. . . .
Mary Angela, do you like it?
Of course.[br]It’s her favorite.
So. . . .
Mary Angela, what’s[br]your second favorite?
More of Grandma’s tiramisu.
Oh, would you just please. . .
. . .give me your recipe, because[br]this is great! It’s topnotch!
That dies with me.
So will l.
Excuse yourself[br]and go to the bathroom.
I was just squinting.[br]It doesn’t mean anything.
Just do it!
Will you excuse me, I have to. . . .
Finally! I thought we’d[br]never be alone.
Can I just tell you something?
I have not stopped thinking about you[br]since the party.
Look, I may have jumped the gun here.
I just got out of a relationship.
And I’m not really in a. . .
. . .in a commitment kind of place.
So? Me neither!
God, Mary Angela was right.[br]You do have the softest lips.
You’re not Mary Angela?
No! I’m Mary Therese!
This is so bad.
If you’re not Mary Angela,[br]then who is?
I am.
Oh, it’s so bad.
No, Joey! No, Joey!
What’s going on?
You’re it![br]Now run and hide!
It’s no big deal.[br]Chandler was just kissing me. . .
. . .because he thought[br]I was Mary Angela.
What? How could you[br]think she was Mary Angela?
I wasn’t sure which one[br]Mary Angela was.
Look, I’m sorry.[br]I was really drunk. . .
. . .and you guys[br]all look really similar.
-I say punch him, Joey![br]-Yeah, punch him!
We should all calm down. . .
. . .because your brother’s[br]not gonna punch me.
Are you?
That’s usually what I’d do.
But I never thought you’d be[br]on the receiving end.
How could you do this?
If you wanna punch me, go ahead.[br]I deserve it.
But I want you to know that I’d never[br]soberly hurt you or your family.
You’re my best friend.
And I’d never do anything[br]like this, ever again.
So what?
-I say punch him![br]-Yeah, punch him!
No, I’m not gonna punch Chandler.
-I’ll do it.[br]-No, you won’t!
He knows he did a terrible thing,[br]and I believe him. He’s sorry.
But you got one more apology to make.
You gotta apologize to Mary Angela.
-Absolutely. You got it.[br]-All right.
-Cookie, now you can punch him![br]-What?
What are you doing here?
You know, this building’s[br]on my paper route, so. . . .
How did it go?
The woman I interviewed with[br]was pretty tough. . .
. . .but thank God Mark coached me.
Once I talked about the Fall line,[br]she got all happy.
-I’m so proud of you.[br]-Me too!
Listen, I’m. . . .
I’m sorry I’ve been[br]so crazy and jealous and. . . .
It’s just,[br]I like you a lot, so. . . .
- I know.
-Hi.[br]-Hi, Mark.
I just talked to Joanna,[br]and she loves you. You got the job.
- I did?
Oh, my God!
Congratulations. . . .
So, Phoebe?
How was your date?
Oh, well, you know. . . .
Yeah, I do know.
- You were eavesdropping?
- Eavesdropping? Pheebs, the ceiling[br]tiles were falling down.
- Oh, I’m sorry.
But I really like this guy[br]and I think he really likes me.
Maybe he’s just. . .
. . .jumping on a pogo stick[br]and he really likes it.
Maybe the pogo stick likes it too.
All right, that’s it.[br]He cannot do this to Phoebe!
This guy’s gonna get[br]the butt-kicking of a lifetime!
But is he a big guy?
We’ll all go. Come on.
Thanks, you guys.[br]Thank you!
Don’t worry!
God![br]I hope they kick his ass!
Honey, I’m sorry.
If it’s any consolation. . .
. . .he sounded like[br]he had more fun with you.
