- Six dollars, please.
- Six? I just had it for one night.[br]It’s three.
Eight o’clock’s the cutoff.[br]And, oh, it’s 8:02
- You know, in a weird way,[br]you have too much power.
You have to help me[br]because I only have three.
- I can help with that.
- Oh, my God. Richard?
Your lip went bald.
- Thanks.
- You look great!
- Right.
- No, you do. You. . . .
- What?
- You got panties stuck to your leg.
I was just grabbing some things[br]out of the dryer, and static cling.
Or maybe God knew I’d be running into[br]you and saw an opportunity.
- It’s good to see you.
- It’s good to see you too.
- See that guy?[br]He’s in “Classics” now. . .
. . .but as soon as we leave,[br]he’s going straight to the porn.
He’ll go to the counter with Citizen[br]Kane, Vertigo and Clockwork Orgy.
This is nice.
-I miss this.[br
- Me too.
You want to get a hamburger[br]or something?
- I don’t know if that’s a good idea.
- Just friends.[br]I won’t grope you. I promise.
- I think it’s too soon.
No, it’s not too soon.[br]I had lunch at 1 1 .
- Yeah, baby!
- -What are you making?[
- Chocolate milk. Want some?
No, thanks. I’m 29.
- Oh, my God! I gotta go to work!
What time will you get off tonight?
- It could be really late.
- Not again!
- I know. I’m sorry.[br]I’ll make a deal with you, okay?
Every night that you’re asleep[br]before I get home. . .
. . .I will wake you up in a way[br]that has proved popular in the past.
- Well, if you need to stay late,[br]I want to be supportive of that.
- Look at you.[br]Since when do you rollerblade?
- Since tomorrow.
I met a cute guy in the park.
And he jogs and blades and swims[br]and so we made a deal.
He’s gonna teach me how[br]to do jock stuff.
- -And what are you gonna do for him?[
- r]-I’m gonna let him.
Cool.
Good morning.
Somebody got in late last night.
Yeah, well, I ran into Richard.
- When did this happen?
- Around 8:02.
We talked for a while, and then[br]we went out for an innocent burger.
- There’s no such thing as[br]an “innocent burger. “
- -Gonna see him again?[
- Tomorrow night.
Monica, what are you doing?
She spent six months[br]getting over him. . .
. . .and now she’s celebrating that[br]by going on a date with him.
- It’s not a date, okay?
I’m teaching him how to make a[br]lasagna for a potluck dinner.
- You might want to make extra, because[br]you’ll be hungry after the sex.
- We’re not gonna have sex.
Nothing’s changed here. He still[br]doesn’t want children, and I still do.
So we’re just gonna be friends.
- Naked friends.
–
- Do you have any ice?[br]-Check the freezer.
If there’s none in there,[br]we’re probably out.
Are you just getting home?[br]It’s late.
- I know.[br]I had the greatest day, though.
I went to a meeting[br]with reps from Calvin Klein.
I liked a line of lingerie, so my boss[br]ordered a ton of it. And you?
I discovered I’m able to count all my[br]teeth using just my tongue.
- Why do you have a copy of[br]The Shining in your freezer?
I was reading it last night[br]and I got scared, so. . . .
But you’re safe from it[br]if it’s in the freezer?
- Well, safer.
I never start reading it. . .
. . .without making sure[br]we got room in the freezer.
- How often do you read it?
Haven’t you ever read a book[br]over and over again?
I read Little Women more than once.
It’s a classic.[br]What’s so great about The Shining?
- The question should be, what is[br]not so great about The Shining?
And the answer would be,[br]”nothing. ” All right?
This is the scariest book ever.
I bet it’s better than that[br]classic of yours.
- We’ll just see about that, okay?
I will read The Shining,[br]and you will read Little Women.
- All right, you got it.
Now, Rach, these little women. . . .
How little are they?
I mean, are they, like, scary little?
- Chandler, Ross? This is Robert.
You have lipstick right here.
That’s okay, it’s mine.[br]We just kissed.
- Isn’t it a bit cold out for shorts?
- Well, I’m from California.
- Right. Sometimes you guys[br]just burst into flame.
- I’m up. I’m up. I’ve gotten up now.[br]Anybody want anything?
- -I’ll have coffee.[br]-Me too.
Make that three.
Ross, why don’t you come with me?
- What’s the matter?[br]What’s going on?
Robert’s coming out.
- What do you mean?[br]ls he gay?
He’s coming out of his shorts.
- What?
- The man is showing brain.
- Are you sure? Hold on.
- I’m sorry.[br]That was a coffee and a. . . .
Coffee. We could write it down.
No, no. That won’t be necessary.
- Well?
What do we do? What do we do?
- Well, I suppose we just[br]try to not look directly at it.
- Like an eclipse.
- When people compliment my[br]cooking tonight, what do I say?
- You say, “Thank you. “[br]Then you buy me something pretty.
Come on, we’re gonna[br]put our hands in this bowl. . .
. . .and we’re gonna start[br]squishing the tomatoes.
- This feels very weird.
- You touch people’s eyeballs[br]and this feels weird?
Sure, I touch them. But I spent years[br]learning not to squish them.
That’s my hand.
- -Keep squishing.[br]-The tomatoes are squishing.
You got some on your shirt.
Hold on a second.
Just put a little club soda on it.[br]Get to it right away.
It should do. . .
. . .the trick.
- What?
- You’ve got some on your pants.
- I’ll just throw them out.
- These little women!
You’re liking it?
Oh, yeah.[br]Amy just burned Jo’s manuscript.
I don’t see how he could forgive her.
- Jo’s a girl.[br]It’s short for Josephine.
- But Jo’s got a crush on Laurie.
You mean it’s like a girl-girl thing?
That is the one thing missing[br]from The Shining.
- No, actually, Laurie’s a boy.
- No wonder Rachel had to read this so[br]many times.
- How’d the basketball go?
I learned how to shoot a lay-up,[br]a foul shot, and a 23-pointer.
- You mean a 3-pointer?
- I get more because I’m dainty.
- Is there a phone here[br]to check my messages?
-In back. Do you want a quarter?[br]-I always carry one in my sock.
- What are you doing?[br]Get back on your side–
Hello!
I’m Joey. We haven’t met.
- Good to meet you. Robert.
- What?
What? You guys, what is going on?
Do you not like Robert?
Why are you laughing?
Calm down.[br]No reason to get testy.
- -You guys! Come on![
- We’re sorry.
It just seems that Robert isn’t as[br]concealed in the shorts area. . .
. . .as one may have hoped.
- What do you mean?
- Could you pass me those cookies?
- Sure.
So how’d the lasagna go over?
Really? Good. So you owe me three[br]pretty things.
I’ve been thinking about you too.
Well, no. It’s hard,[br]this “platonomy” thing.
It’s a word.
I do think it’s better this way.[br]We’re being smart.
Yes, I’m sure.
You really sure?
I’ll call you back.
So we can be friends[br]who sleep together.
Absolutely.[br]This’ll just be something we do.
Like racquetball.
Sounds smart and healthy to me.
So just out of curiosity. . .
. . .do you currently have[br]any other “racquetball” buddies?
Just your dad.
Although that’s actually racquetball.
You know, I do have a blind date. . .
. . .with my sister’s neighbor[br]next Tuesday.
Do you want me to cancel it?
No!
Because if you did,[br]that means you’d be canceling for me.
-And we’re just friends.[br]-Exactly.
Oh, don’t sit down.
-Ready to go?[br]-You bet.
And first, here’s a gift.
Stretchy pants?!
The greatest things in the world![br]lf I were you, I’d wear them every day.
Gee, thank you.[br]Really, that’s so nice.
But, to be honest,[br]I don’t think I can wear these.
They’re so tight.[br]I’d feel like I’m on display.
I’m sorry.
That’s all right. I’ll figure. . . .
How’s it going?
Good.
How’s The Shining?
Danny just went into Room 21 7.
The next part’s the best![br]That dead lady in the bathtub–
You’re gonna ruin it!
I’ll talk in code.
Remember when the kid sees[br]those two “blanks” in the hallway?
Yeah, that’s very cool.
All “blank” and no “blank” makes[br]”blank” a “blank-blank. “
No, the end!
Jack almost kills them[br]with the “blank” . . .
. . .but in the last second,[br]they get away.
I can’t believe you just did that.
I can’t believe she cracked your code.
Okay. Laurie proposes to Jo[br]and she says no. . .
. . .even though she’s in love with him.[br]Then he ends up marrying Amy.
Mine was by accident!
The boiler explodes and destroys the[br]hotel and kills the dad.
Beth dies.
Beth dies?
Is that true?[br]lf I keep reading, is Beth gonna die?
No, Beth doesn’t die.[br]She doesn’t die. Does she, Rachel?
He’s asking if you’ve ruined. . .
. . .the first book he’s ever loved[br]that didn’t star Jack Nicholson.
No. She doesn’t die.
Then why would you say that?
Because I wanted to hurt you.
Oh, there they are.[br]I dropped my keys.
Got them.
Sorry. I’m sorry.
You would not believe my day.
I had to work two shifts.[br]And then to top it off. . .
. . .I lost one of my fake boobs[br]in a grill fire.
What are you smiling at?
I was thinking your day[br]could still pick up.
I love this “friend” thing!
Robert’s gonna be here any second,[br]so could one of you just tell him?
Please, right now.
Every time I see him, it’s “Is it[br]on the loose? ls it watching me?”
We can’t tell him.
You can’t go up to a guy you barely[br]know and talk about his “stuff. “
He’s right. Even if it’s[br]to say something complimentary.
You ready for the gym?
There’s a new rock-climbing[br]wall. We can spot each other.
Yeah, I can spot you from here.
What?
Listen, Robert. . . .
Hey, don’t we have to. . .?
Yeah, we got. . . .
I think you’re really, really great.
Oh, God. Here we go again.
Why does this keep happening?[br]ls it something I’m putting out there?
Is this my fault? Or am I just nuts?
I don’t know what to say.
Hey, buddy? This is a family place.[br]Put the mouse back in the house.
Really? It’s just like[br]everyone else’s apartment.
It’s got rooms and walls[br]and ceilings.
I just wanted to see where you live.[br]Now give me the tour.
Oh, my God!
-This is the living room.[br]-That’s nice.
-And this is the kitchen.[br]-That’s real pretty.
Wait a minute.[br]Don’t I get to see the bedroom?
Well, it’s pretty much your typical. . .
. . .bedroom.
We’re still on this side of the door.[br]I didn’t get to see it.
Oh, shoot. Maybe next time.[br]Thanks for a lovely evening.
So who is she?
That was the blind date[br]I told you about.
She called[br]and switched it from Tuesday.
Did you like her?
I’m just asking as a friend,[br]because I am totally fine with this.
Well, you seem fine.
Okay, you know what?[br]I’m not fine. I’m not.
I mean, how could I be fine?[br]Hearing you come in with her.
She wants to see your bedroom.
You know what?
What if we’re friends. . .
. . .who don’t see other people?
You mean “exclusive” friends?
Why not?
I mean, this has been[br]the most amazing week.
Would it be so terrible?
Even if we were friends[br]who lived together?
Or maybe someday, friends who stood[br]up in front of their other friends. . .
. . .and vowed to be friends forever.
You know, we’re back where we were.
Honey, I would love to do all that,[br]but nothing’s changed.
That’s not true.[br]You don’t have a moustache.
Okay, one thing’s changed.
But we still want different things,[br]and we know how this is gonna end.
You know what?
I gotta walk out of here right now.
Because getting over you is the[br]hardest thing I have ever had to do.
I don’t think I could do it again.
I know I couldn’t.
How about one last[br]game of racquetball?
Watch the thorns!
What?
Beth is really, really sick.
Jo’s there, but I don’t think[br]there’s anything she can do.
You wanna put the book[br]in the freezer?
