FRIEND 3-20

You’re telling me[br]this actress person. . .
. . .is the only woman you ever wanted[br]who didn’t want you back?
Oh, my God.
Is this what it’s like to be you?
-You’re crazy about her, huh?[br]-You have no idea.
When we’re on stage, I get to[br]kiss her and touch her.
She goes home with the director. . .
. . .and it’s like somebody’s[br]ripping out my heart.
Oh, it’s so great to see you[br]feeling like this.
Dad called this morning.
Aunt Sylvia passed away.
We were all[br]pretty shaken up about it.
Am I missing something?
I thought death was supposed[br]to be sad, in a way.
Well, Aunt Sylvia was. . .
. . .not a nice person.
She was a cruel, cranky old bitch.
And I’m sorry she died.
Did Dad say I get the dollhouse?
–
You get the dollhouse.[
-I get the dollhouse!
A house for dolls![br]That is so cool.
When I was a kid, I had a barrel.
You had a barrel for a dollhouse?
No, just a barrel.
You know what? You can play[br]with my dollhouse.
Really?
Any time you want.
When I was young I wanted[br]to play with this dollhouse.
But no! It was to be looked at,[br]never played with.
My grandmother said[br]the same thing to me.
The One With the Doll House

Thanks for lunch.[br]You didn’t have to walk me here.
That’s okay. No problem.
You realize we don’t keep[br]the women’s lingerie here.
Yes, I realize that.
-Summer catalog.[br]-That’s the stuff.
Rachel, I need the versace invoice.
You don’t work for me.
Joanna, this is my friend[br]Chandler Bing. Joanna.
Bing? That’s a great name.
It’s Gaelic for,[br]”Thy turkey’s done. “
-I’m gonna go. Nice meeting you.[br]-You too.
So what’s wrong with him?
Nothing. He’s just goofy like that.[br]I actually hardly notice it anymore.
I mean, is he married[br]or involved with anyone?
He’s not married or involved[br]with anyone.
Actually, you know what?[br]Forget it.
-I’ll ask him for you, if you want.[br]-Would you?
Or is it too sad and desperate,[br]like something Sophie would do?
-I am here.[br]-I know that.
Look at it!
Wallpaper’s a little faded.[br]That’s okay.
Carpet’s a little loose.
Hardwood floors?!
-It’s so beautiful![br]-I know!
So I’m here, ready to play!
I brought a bunch of stuff[br]for the house, so check it out.
What’s this?
That’s a dog.[br]Every house should have a dog.
Not one that can pee on the roof.
Maybe it’s so big because the house[br]was built on radioactive waste.
And is this in case the house sneezes?
No, that’s the ghost for the attic.
-I don’t want a ghost.[br]
-Well, nobody wants a ghost.
But you’ve got one. . .
. . .because the house is sitting on[br]an ancient lndian burial ground.
Wait a minute. The house[br]was built on radioactive waste. . .
. . .and an ancient[br]lndian burial ground?
That would never happen.
Obviously you don’t know much[br]about the U.S. government.
I need to talk to you.[br]-Sure. What’s up?
Oh, sorry. I meant Chandler.
I know.
Well, if something comes up. . . .
I’m glad you guys are past[br]that little awkward phase.
My boss. Joanna. When you left. . .
. . .she started asking questions[br]about you. . . .
Liked what she saw?
Dug my action, did she?
Checking out the Chan Chan Man!
That was. . .
. . .surreal.
What do you think?[br]Are you interested?
She seemed cool. Attractive.[br]I’ll do it.
Thank you, Chandler.[br]This is great. She’s gonna love me.
Dinosaur attack![br]Quick, everybody into the house!
All right, Phoebe, you know what?[br]That’s it. That’s it.
No dinosaurs, no ghosts,[br]no giant dogs, okay?
They’re not the right size, they’re[br]not victorian and they don’t go.
Fine.
Come, dinosaur. We’re not welcome[br]in the house of no imagination.
While we’re on the subject,[br]I have to say that dinosaurs. . .
. . .they don’t go, “ruff! “
The little ones do.
–
Hey, Kate.[br]-Morning.
I went to that restaurant[br]you talked about–
Hey, lovely.
Come, talk to me for a minute.
I ate the food. It was good.[br]I had the fish.
I’m Lauren. Kate’s understudy.
Joey Tribbiani.
I know.
I’m a big fan of yours.
What?
I used to schedule my classes[br]so I could watch Dr. Drake Ramoray. . .
. . .on Days of our Lives.
–
Get out of here. Really?[br]-Absolutely.
But then they dropped you[br]down that elevator shaft.
They gave me the shaft, all right.
You’re so funny.
What are you doing after rehearsal?
You want to get a drink?
Sure. A drink sounds great.
-Cool. I’ll see you then.[br]-All right.
All right. It’s time to act,[br]my talking props.
Look everybody![br]Look at my new dollhouse!
Look, look!
Hey, what’s this?
It’s a slide instead of stairs.[br]Look.
very interesting, Phoebe.
What’s this?
The licorice room.[br]You can eat all the furniture.
And when guests come over, they can[br]stay on the Tootsie Roll-away bed.
This is the coolest house ever!
Does anyone want to join me[br]in the Aroma Room?
-All right.[br]-I would.
Hey, guys? Guys!
Did you see my new china cabinet?
Watch. Watch.
And? And?
Hey, my father’s house does that.
How did it go?[br]Tell me everything!
The movie was great. . .
. . .dinner was great, and there’s nothing[br]like a cool, crisp New York evening.
Of course, I didn’t enjoy any of that[br]because Joanna’s such a dull dud!
Chandler is fantastic!
-What?[br]-You know how people just click?
He came by to pick me up, I opened[br]the door and it was just like, “click! “
Did he tell you?
Doesn’t he have a good heart?
And he’s so sweet. He said he’d[br]call, so put him straight through.
–
Isn’t this great?[br]-Don’t spoil it.
Come on, baby, don’t go. Please?
What do you say?
It’s you.[br]Just one sec.
I’m going to take this call.
When I continue,[br]I hope there will appear on-stage. . .
. . .this magical thing[br]that in the theater we call. . .
. . .committing to the moment!
The guy’s like a cartoon.
What do you see in him, anyway?
He happens to be brilliant.
Which is more than I can say[br]for that sweater you’re dating.
I’m not interested in her sweater.
It’s what’s underneath her sweater[br]that counts.
And besides. . .
. . .since when do you care[br]who I’m with?
I don’t care.[br]Why, do you want me to care?
Do you want me to want you to care?
Do you?
What?
Okay. I’m afraid to say this,[br]but let’s pick up where we left off.
Come on, baby, don’t go. Please?[br]What do you say?
I’ve got no reason to stay.
Stop!
Stop it! You must stop!
You are bad actors!
This is a terrible play!
I’ll see you in the morning.
I can’t believe we go on[br]in a week.
Hey, it’s gonna be all right.
Since we’re getting off early,[br]do you want to go paint mugs?
What?
At the place I told you about[br]last night?
Yeah, with the mug-painting.
I was so listening to that.
But you know what?[br]I need to work on my stuff tonight.
I’ll see you tomorrow.
Are you okay?
I guess.
What are we gonna do about the scene?
I don’t know.
Maybe if it had more heat.
Well, how do you mean?
Adrianne’s looking for a reason[br]to stay, right?
victor can’t just kiss her.[br]He’s gotta. . .
. . .he’s gotta give her a reason.
Maybe he could slip her the tongue.
Or maybe. . .
. . .maybe he could grab her[br]and lift her up.
Then Adrianne could wrap her legs[br]around his waist.
Then she could rip off his shirt and[br]kiss his chest and stomach.
Then he could use his teeth[br]to undo her dress and. . .
. . .and bite her!
Then right when the scene ends,[br]he could take her. . .
. . .with this raw, animal. . . .
Something like that?
That’s pretty much[br]what I had in mind.
It’s a little early to be drinking.
Things finally happened with Kate.
You’re kidding? That’s great.
It was so amazing.
After the lovemaking. . .
Oh, my.
. . .I just watched her sleep for hours.
Just breathing in. . .
. . .and breathing out.
I knew she was dreaming because. . .
. . .her eyes kept going like this.
I’m telling you,[br]she’s got it all wrong.
All I said was, “This was fun.[br]Let’s do it again sometime.
I’ll give you a call. “
I wonder why she thinks you’re going[br]to call her?
It’s what you say at the end[br]of a date.
You can’t just say,[br]”Nice to meet you. Good night?”
To her face?
I’m standing there. . .
. . .she’s waiting for me to say[br]I’ll call her. . .
. . .and it comes out.[br]I can’t help it.
It’s a compulsion.
When a guy says he’ll call,[br]it doesn’t mean he’s going to call.
This never happened to you?
Well, they always called.
Bite me.
-Did he call?[br]-No, sorry.
Why? He said he’d call.[br]Why hasn’t he called?
Maybe he’s intimidated by smart,[br]strong, successful women.
Sophie, will you please[br]climb out of my butt.
Why hasn’t he called, Rachel? Why?
Maybe he feels awkward because[br]you’re my boss.
Awkward? Why should he feel awkward?
You didn’t tell him[br]not to call me, did you?
If you’re uncomfortable with[br]your friend dating me. . .
. . .there are always ways to fix that.
Call her. Call her now!
Multiple so many paper cuts.
“Why hasn’t he called, Rachel?[br]Why, why? I don’t understand! “
I’m telling you, she’s flipped out![br]She’s gone crazy!
Well, give me the phone then.
She thinks it’s my fault[br]you haven’t called her.
You have to call her.
You can’t call somebody[br]after this long to say:
“In case you didn’t notice,[br]I don’t like you. “
Then you’ll have to[br]take her out again.
She’s really dull,[br]and she gets this. . .
. . .gross mascara-goop thing[br]in the corner of her eye!
I don’t care!
You’ll take her out again[br]and end it. . .
. . .in a way she knows it’s ended.
I don’t care how hard it is.[br]Don’t tell her you’ll call her again!
All right, fine!
But just lunch.[br]From now on, I get my own dates.
I don’t want you setting me up again!
That’s fine!
-That’s just a lot of big talk.[br]-I know.
I’m in the shower!
Fire! There’s a fire! Fire!
I talked to Lauren.[br]I told her how things were with us.
Did you talk to Marshall?
About what?
About what happened with us.
No, there’s really no reason[br]why he should find out.
So let’s not make a big deal[br]out of it, okay?
What are you talking about?
It was a big deal.
You can’t tell me last night[br]didn’t mean something to you.
I was there.[br]You’re not that good an actress.
I was just caught up in the moment.
That’s all it was.
Joey, I’m sorry you feel bad, but. . .
. . .haven’t you slept with a woman[br]and it meant more to her than to you?
Hi, pig!
Sorry I scared you in there.
It’s okay.
By the way. . .
. . .I was just checking[br]the shower massager.
I tried to reach you at work.
There’s been a fire.
What?[br]Oh, my God!
What happened?
We believe it originated here. . .
. . .in the Aroma Room.
Did everyone get out okay?
The giraffe’s okay,[br]and so is the pirate.
-What’s this?[br]-No, don’t look!
You don’t want to see[br]what’s under there!
The foster puppets!
It’s not a big deal. It’s right[br]here, and it’s all the time.
Thanks again for lunch.
-This was pleasant.[br]-It was, wasn’t it?
-The food there was great.[br]-Wasn’t it?
So take care.
You too.
I’ll give you a call.[br]We should do it again!
Great. I’m looking forward to it.
-Any messages?[br]-Sophie’s desk.
Are you gonna call her?
I’m sorry, okay? I’m weak[br]and pathetic and sorry.
You are gonna tell her.[br]You’ll tell her now.
I’m not gonna call you.
What?
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry I said I was going to[br]when I’m not.
This has nothing to do with you.
And this isn’t Rachel’s fault.[br]It’s me.
I have serious problems[br]when it comes to women.
I have issues with commitment,[br]intimacy. . .
: : :mascara goop:
I’m really sorry. It’s just that. . .
. . .this isn’t going to work out.
This isn’t how I was hoping[br]this would end. . .
. . .but I guess I have to appreciate[br]your honesty.
I’ll give you a call.[br]We should do it again sometime!
Anyway, Beth,[br]what I’m saying is. . .
. . .I should have considered your[br]feelings before I went home with you.
I’ve recently learned what it’s like[br]to be on your side. . .
. . .and I’m sorry.
Do you think you can forgive me?
Great. Thanks.
Hello, Jennifer?
Hi, Mrs. Laurio.[br]Is Jennifer there?
She’s not home, huh?
Actually I kind of need[br]to talk to you too.