- Wouldn’t it be cool if our duck[br]and our chick had a baby?
- We could call it Chuck.
- Or Dick.
- Listen, I need a favor.
- I was in the shower,[br]and as I was. . .
- . . .cleansing myself, I felt something.
- Was it like a sneeze, only better?
- No. I mean, like,[br]a thing on my body.
- Well, what was it?
- Well, I don’t know.[br]It’s kind of in a place that’s not. . . .
- It’s not visually accessible to me.[br]And I was hoping maybe you guys. . .
- . . .could help me out.
- Come on, you guys![br]It’s no big deal!
- Well, what is it?[br]ls it a mole?
- No, it’s too wrinkly to be a mole.
- Is it–?[br]What, a pimple?
- No, it’s. . .
- . . .fancier than a pimple.
- -Ross, just go see a doc–[br]-Guys, what’s–?
- Well, it’s definite.[br]Two more weeks of winter.
- Yeah, right.
- The One With Ross’ Thing
- Subtitles and Rip by[br].:staz:. (staz@post.cz)
- And this is the coffeehouse.[br]This is where I play my music.
- -Good deal.[br]-These are my friends.
- People? This is vince.[br]vince, the people.
- vince is a fireman.
- Have you ever rescued anyone[br]from a burning building?
- Ninety-eight hot saves.[br]Highest on the force.
- If Joey and I play with matches,[br]we could get you up to an even 1 00.
- Fire safety is not a joke, son.
- You’re right. I know.
- Look, I gotta go.[br]I’m on call tonight.
- See you Saturday.
- He’s cute, Pheebs.
- But you just started dating[br]that teacher.
- Oh, Jason?
- We’re seeing each other tonight.
- Well, Pheebs?
- Two dates in one day?[br]That’s so unlike you.
- I know, I know.[br]I’m, like, playing the field.
- I’m juggling two guys.[br]I’m sowing my wild oats.
- You know, this kind of, like,[br]oat-sowing, field-playing juggler.
- So do they know about each other?
- Does a dog’s lips move[br]when he reads?
- Okay, no, they don’t know.
- Hey, guys.
- -Well?[br]-How’d it go at the doctor’s?
- He said there’s definitely[br]nothing to worry about. It’s benign.
- -What is it?[br]-He couldn’t even tell me.
- He said it was just[br]some sort of “skin abnormality. “
- The worse thing is, he said,[br]being unable to identify it. . .
- . . .he was reluctant to remove it.
- You should go to my guy.
- Because when I went in there[br]with my third nipple. . .
- . . .he just lopped it right off.
- So I guess I’m lucky.
- I mean, not as lucky as people[br]who are born with two nipples.
- At least they knew what yours was.[br]You know? Yours had a name.
- Maybe they’ll name yours after you.
- You know?[br]They’d call it “The Ross. “
- And then people would be, like,[br]”Oh, he’s got a Ross. “
- Yeah, that’d be cool.
- Pete’s breaking up with me.
- What?
- I just checked my messages.
- He said that when he gets back,[br]”We need to talk. “
- -And?[br]-Well, that’s it.
- People never say, “We need to talk,”[br]unless it’s something bad.
- That doesn’t necessarily mean[br]he’s breaking up with you.
- Really?
- Maybe he just cheated on you.
- I won’t get rich doing it,[br]but I gotta say, it’s cool. . .
- . . .knowing you’re making[br]a difference in a kid’s life.
- That is so great.
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!
- We’d better call[br]the fire department.
- Well, we don’t need a fireman.
- We need, like, a good mechanic.
- Here they come![br]We gotta get out of here!
- Wait. Why?
- If I wanted to see a fireman,[br]I’d date one.
- That’s all it is.[br]A third nipple.
- You know? Just your[br]run-of-the-mill third nipple.
- You can take it off.[br]Just slice that baby right off.
- Take your shirt off.[br]Let’s see what we’re dealing with.
- What are you doing?
- Just showing you my run-of-the-mill,[br]slice-it-right-off third nipple.
- Well, that’s not a third nipple.
- First of all, it’s on your ass.
- Well, then what is it?
- Wait a minute. Hold it.
- -Jansen, come in here.[br]-I’m with Hamilton!
- He’s good with weird things.[br]Bring him in too.
- I gotta go water Pete’s plants.
- You know what? lf he’s gonna break up[br]with me, maybe I won’t water them.
- If he’s gonna break up with you,[br]maybe Joey and I should do it. . .
- . . .if you know what I mean.
- Or. . .
- . . .we could go and pee on them.
- I can’t take it, you know.
- I’m afraid one of them[br]will catch me with the other.
- It’s making me crazy!
- Why don’t you break up[br]with one of them?
- What happened to playing the field?
- It doesn’t feel like playing anymore.
- It’s feels like work.[br]It’s like I’m working in the field.
- So pick one of them.
- Which one do you like more?
- vince is great, you know?[br]Because he’s, like, a “guy” guy.
- He’s just so burly,[br]so very burly.
- Okay, good. So there you go.[br]Go with vince.
- But Jason’s really sensitive.
- Sensitive is important.[br]Pick him.
- Oh, sure.[br]Go with the sissy.
- Jason is not a sissy.
- I meant Chandler.
- You know, I have dinner plans.
- Thank you so much for coming[br]on such a short notice.
- Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve been[br]practicing medicine for 23 years. . .
- . . .and I’m stumped.
- Okay, this is the den.
- All right, check this out.[br]Lights!
- All right, less lights![br]Bad lights!
- Lights, go away!
- See? You just need the right command.
- And the dimmer switch.
- For a rich guy, that’s a small Tv.
- That’s the video phone.
- But you shouldn’t be here.[br]So don’t touch anything.
- IKEA, this is comfortable!
- This place is amazing!
- -Oh, God! That’s the nicest kitchen.[br]-I know.
- It’s the nicest kitchen.
- The refrigerator[br]told me to have a great day.
- Look, a millionaire’s checkbook.
- Joey, put that down.
- Oh, my God, that’s Pete.[br]Get out!
- How the hell do you answer[br]a video phone?
- I guess that’s how.
- Monica, how’s it going?
- Oh, it’s good. It’s good.
- Just here, watering the plants.
- Don’t forget that ficus[br]there by Rachel.
- Chandler’s on the couch!
- I see him. You guys[br]are the worst hiders, ever.
- -Hi.[br]-How you doing?
- The other day when you said[br]you needed to talk. . .
- . . .just so I know,[br]is it good news or bad news?
- It’s good news.[br]It’s definitely good news.
- Hold on a second,[br]I have another call.
- How’s it going?
- It’s still me.
- I’ve got picture-in-picture here.
- I’m gonna have to call you back later.
- Monica? You.[br]I’m gonna have to call you back.
- So I’ll see you soon.
- -Okay. I love you.[br]-I love you.
- We love you too!
- Well, it’s good news.[br]It’s good news.
- -What do you think the good news is?[br]-Look at this!
- He wrote a check for $50,000[br]to “Hugo Lindgren’s Ring Design. “
- Sorry. What do you think[br]the good news is?
- Oh, my!
- Monica’s gonna marry a millionaire!
- You gotta get Mom on the phone![br]Call Mom! Call Mom!
- And that’s Pete’s mom.
- You have to make it a theme wedding.[br]And the theme could be:
- “Look How Much Money We’ve Got! “
- I mean, you could put money[br]in the invitations.
- You could have, like,[br]little-money place settings.
- And you could start[br]with a money salad.
- I mean, it’ll be dry,[br]but people will like it.
- Would you stop?
- We’ve only gone out a couple of weeks.
- We don’t know if he’ll propose.
- But this is Pete.[br]He’s not like other people.
- On your first date, you went to Rome.
- For most guys, that’s like[br]a third or fourth date kind of thing.
- Well, if that’s what it is,[br]then it’s crazy.
- Monica’s right.[br]We’re talking about marriage here.
- She can’t just rush into this.
- What do you know?[br]You married a lesbian!
- I gotta go.[br]I have to break up with vince.
- So you’re going with the teacher?
- I like vince a lot, you know?[br]But Jason is so sensitive.
- In the long run, I think[br]sensitive is better than having. . .
- . . .a really, really, really nice body.
- Jason. Definitely Jason.
- -Wish me luck![br]-Good luck!
- Oh, my God!
- Sorry.
- I was imagining what it’d be like[br]to catch the money bouquet.
- Excuse me. Is vince here?
- Oh, sure.
- I didn’t know you guys[br]actually used those.
- So what’s up?
- This isn’t gonna be easy.
- I don’t think we should[br]see each other anymore.
- Good deal.
- I’m sorry.
- No, it’s okay.
- It’s just that I thought[br]we had something pretty special here.
- I felt like you were someone[br]I could finally open up to.
- There’s so much in me[br]I haven’t shared with you yet.
- My God![br]I didn’t know you were so–
- I’m sorry. I can’t talk.
- I’m gonna go write in my journal.
- Wait! Wait! Wait!
- If you wanna take care of that thing,[br]go see my herbal guy.
- Thanks. But I wanna remove it,[br]not make it savory.
- When girls sleep with guys[br]with weird things on their body. . .
- . . .they tell their friends about it.
- Give me that.
- Okay, don’t be mad at me,[br]but I couldn’t resist.
- Bride’s Magazines?
- I know you said you’d say no[br]if he asked you. . .
- . . .but how great would you look[br]walking down the aisle. . .
- . . .in this Donna Karan?
- You so would!
- You should get that anyway.
- Well, for clubbing.
- It is so weird.
- I know what I said.[br]But this morning. . .
- . . .I was lying in bed, imagining[br]what it’d be like to say yes.
- I know it’s a little sudden,[br]and it’s rushed. . .
- . . .and it’s not like me to do[br]something like this.
- But it doesn’t mean I can’t.[br]Right?
- I mean, I’m crazy about Pete.
- And I know that[br]we want the same things.
- And when I thought[br]about saying yes. . .
- . . .it made me really happy.
- Oh, my God!
- I know.
- I need more pie.
- Mon, if you do get married,[br]can I bring two guests?
- You didn’t break up with that fireman?
- That was my way of telling you.
- Well, it turns out[br]he’s incredibly sensitive.
- He keeps a journal and he paints.
- He even showed me charcoal drawings[br]that he drew of me.
- He’d prefer watercolors, but he has[br]easy access to a lot of charcoal.
- So will you dump Jason?
- Yeah, because I have to break up[br]with someone.
- So Jason is sensitive.[br]But now, so is vince.
- Plus, vince has the body.[br]You know?
- So. . . .
- It’s really just about the math.
- Come on in.
- You sounded serious on the phone.
- Is anything wrong?
- You must be Ross.
- I am Guru Saj.
- Listen, I gotta tell you, I’ve never[br]been to a guru before, so. . . .
- Well, relax.
- If it makes you feel any better,[br]I’ve attended. . .
- . . .fine medical schools[br]in Central America.
- Well, let’s take a look[br]at this skin abnormality of yours.
- Come on, have a seat.
- As I suspected, it’s a kundus.
- What’s a “kundus”?
- I don’t know.[br]What’s a kundus with you?
- Please lie down.
- I’ve got a salve that[br]ought to shrink that right up.
- I guess it’s worth a try.
- Sure. We should see results–
- Clearly not the way to go!
- What? What?
- We appear to have angered it.
- We? We angered it?
- I think I see the problem.
- And I’m afraid we’re gonna[br]have to use a much stronger tool.
- Love.
- Oh, God!
- There is absolutely no way[br]this is gonna come off. . .
- . . .unless you start to. . . .
- What was that?
- Well, it’s gone.
- How’s that?
- Got caught in my watch.
- Lights.
- Romantic lights.
- Nice.
- So there was this thing[br]I wanted to talk to you about.
- Oh, right. I’d completely[br]forgot about that.
- I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.
- And I look at my life. . .
- . . .and I feel like I’ve conquered[br]the business world.
- And I feel like I’ve conquered[br]the intellectual world.
- And now I have the most[br]beautiful woman in the world.
- But there’s one thing missing.
- What’s that?
- It’s time for me to conquer[br]the physical world.
- I wanna become. . .
- . . .the Ultimate Fighting Champion.
- You wanna what?
- I wanna be[br]the Ultimate Fighting Champion.
- It’s the most intense[br]physical competition in the world.
- It’s banned in 49 states.
- What are you talking about?
- My trainer, Hoshi, is teaching me. . .
- . . .Jeet Kune Do[br]and Brazilian streetfighting.
- I even had my own[br]octagon training ring designed.
- And I suppose you used[br]a ring designer for that.
- I want you there,[br]in the front row, when I win.
- I want you close enough[br]to smell the blood.
- What do you think?
- My parents will be so happy.
- Crazy underwear[br]Creeping up my butt
- Crazy underwear[br]Always in a rut
- Crazy underwear
- What is he doing here?
- All right, just keep playing.
- You’ll get through this.[br]You’ll be fine.
- Okay, thank you.
- And as always, no one talk to me[br]after the show.
- I was passing by[br]and saw you were playing.
- This is cool, seeing you up there.
- What’s going on here?[br]Who’s this guy?
- I don’t know! He just started[br]kissing me. Get him, vince!
- What?
- I’ve been dating both of you.
- And it’s been really horrible,[br]because it’s been. . .
- . . .a lot of fun for me.
- But I like you both. . .
- . . .and I didn’t know how to choose.
- So I’m sorry. I’m terrible.[br]I’m a terrible person.
- Relax. It’s okay.[br]I mean. . . .
- We never said this was exclusive.
- Neither did we.[br]So give yourself a break.
- Really?
- We haven’t been going out that long.
- Come on, we haven’t even[br]slept together yet.
- You haven’t?
- You have?
- Well, this is none of my business.
- I can’t believe this![br]You slept with him?
- Well, I made you[br]a candlelight dinner in the park.
- I’m gonna make this real easy for you.
- That could’ve been really awkward.
- You made him a candlelight dinner[br]in the park?
- Yeah, but I can do that for you.[br]I’m gonna do that for you.
- I can’t believe[br]I went out with somebody. . .
- . . .who’d have an open flame[br]in the middle of a wooded area!
- Everything’s gonna be all right.
- Okay, Dick?
- Hello. I am Guru Saj.
- He’s a duck, right?[br]Because otherwise. . .
- . . .this is way out of my league.
- He’s got a really bad cough,[br]and our vet can’t stop it.
- Is there something you can do?
- Let me see.
- Let me see.
- Do you think you could get him[br]to eat a bat?
- smirk :ちょっと得意げな、または皮肉っぽい笑い方を指します。この表現は、相手が何か面白がっていたり、皮肉っぽく笑っているときに、それに対して尋ねる際に使います。
- pretend :「どうりで〜だ」
- pretend :「どうりで〜だ」
