- Here you go.
- Thank you.
- “Say, Rachel…
…l was wondering if you’d[br]go to a movie with me sometime…
…as my lover. “
Too out there.
“Maybe you’d like to have dinner with me sometime…
…as my lover. “
- All right, let’s go shopping.
- Before we go, there’s something I need to say.
I’ve kind of had this crush on you.
Since you were with Ross, I didn’t do anything about it.
Now that you’re not, I’d really[br]like to ask you out sometime.
So that’s what I’m doing. . .now
- I dropped a cup.
So within a few years,[br]voice recognition. . .
. . .will be standard[br]on any computer.
You know, so you could be, like,[br]”Wash my car. ” “Clean my room. “
It won’t be able to do any of those[br]things, but it’ll understand.
- Oh, this was so great.
- Yeah, it was.
- All right, then.
Bye.
Hello, people who do not live here.
I gave you a key for emergencies.
- We were out of Doritos.
- Hey, how’d the date go[br]with Mr. Millionaire?
- “Mr. Millionaire.[br]New, from Snooty Playthings.
Third wife sold separately. “
- He’s great. We have such[br]a good time together.
He’s so funny and so sweet.
]And I’m not attracted to him at all!
- Still?
- It’s driving me crazy. In every[br]other way, he’s the perfect guy.
He has everything.[br]Plus, he actually has everything.
- Life-sized lmperial Storm Troopers[br]from Sharper lmage?
- Two.
- Can Joey and I put them on and fight?
- Oh, Mommy! Oh, Daddy! I am a big old baddy
Oh, Mommy! Oh, Daddy![br]I am a big old baddy
- I guess he must’ve gotten the part in that play.
- Either that, or Gloria Estefan[br]was right.
Eventually, the rhythm[br]is going to get you.
- -Joe, how’s it going?
- Good.
So you’re playing Adrianne?
- Yes. Are you one of the[br]retarded cousins?
- No. I’m playing your husband, victor.
I’m Joey Tribbiani.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.[br]Kate Miller.
- So the play’s pretty great, huh?
Oh, yeah.[br]I love Jennifer Banberry’s work.
She’s so incisive when it comes[br]to deconstructing the middle class.
- Oh, forget about it. She rocks!
- Where do I know you from?
- Dr. Drake Ramoray?
Days of our Lives?
voted most datable neurosurgeon[br]by Teen Beat?
- No, that’s not it.
So you’re a soap actor.
This must be exciting for you,[br]being in a real play.
- Hey, I’ve done plays before.[br]I’m a serious actor.
- That infomercial!
For the milk-carton-spout thing!
You’re the guy who doesn’t[br]know how to pour milk!
- I actually can pour milk. But I got[br]you believing that I couldn’t.
Now, see, that’s acting.
- Right. At the end, you choked[br]on a cookie.
- That was real.
- -I cannot believe Mark asked you out.
- ]-I know.
- What are you gonna tell him?
I told him I would think about it,[br]but I’m gonna tell him no.
I think I’d say no[br]to anybody right now.
But it was so strange. I mean, I’m standing there. . .
. . .with this charming, cute guy[br]who’s asking me to go out with him. . .
. . .which I’m allowed to do. . .
. . .and I felt guilty, like I’d be[br]cheating on Ross or something.
- Wow. So, okay, maybe that means. . .
. . .you’re not over Ross yet[br]and you have issues with your father.
- -I don’t have issues with my father.
- So it’s just the Ross thing.
- I hate this woman! I hate her!
She told everyone[br]about that infomercial. . .
. . .and now they all keep asking me[br]to open their drinks!
And whenever I can’t do it,[br]they’re all, like, laughing at me!
- So Rachel called.
Wants to see me.
Going over in a minute.
- What do you think she wants?
- Maybe the crazy fog has lifted. . .
. . .and she realizes that life[br]without me. . .
. . .sucks.
- It’s possible. You are very lovable.[br]I’d miss you if I broke up with you.
Just trying to be supportive.
- Be supportive like a guy.
- If I broke up with you, I’d miss you.
- You wanted to see me?
- Here’s a box of your stuff.
It’s just hats and a shirt and CDs.[br]Just stuff that you’ve left here.
- What are you doing? Are you trying to hurt me or something?
- It just seems that, you know, it’s time we move on.
I mean, don’t you think?
- -Yes, I do.
- -Good.
- I really do.
This was a gift.
- You got that for free from the museum gift shop.
- It’s still a gift.
I got it from the “gift” shop.
- Okay! All right! Give me the mug! I’ll keep the mug!
Don’t do me any favors.
In fact. . .
. . .where’s the rest of my stuff?[br]Like my. . . .
This book is mine!
And that T-shirt you sleep in?
]I’d like that back too. Yes, I do.
- You know how much I love that T-shirt.[br]You never even wear that T-shirt.
- I’m just trying to help you “move on. “
- Oh, you are a petty man.
You are a petty, petty. . .
-Petty. . . . . petty, petty. . .
-. . .small. . . .[br]-. . .small. . . .
- You are so just doing this out of spite.
- I’m gonna wear this all the time! I love this shirt!
- You haven’t worn it since you were 1 5![br]It doesn’t even fit you anymore!
- If you don’t mind, I’m gonna take the rest of my stuff. . .
. . .and “relax” . . .
. . .in my favorite shirt.
You have a pleasant evening.
- So you’re, like, a zillionaire.
- And you’re our age.[br]You’re our age.
- You know what?[br]You should buy a state. . .
. . .and then just name it[br]after yourself.
- Like, “Pete Dakota”?
- Or “Mississi-Pete. “
- I got it: “Pete Chicago. “
- That’s not a state, Joe.
- Oh, and “Mississi-Pete” is?
- I gotta go.
I’ll see you guys later.
- You’re our age.
- So are we on for tomorrow?
- Absolutely.
Now, get out of here, you!
Okay, I’m running out of places I can touch him.
Is something wrong with me?
Why am I only attracted to guys with no future?
Either they’re too old,[br]or they’re too young.
And there’s Pete,[br]who’s crazy about me. . .
. . .and he’s absolutely perfect,[br]and there’s zip going on!
Does it sound like[br]something’s wrong with me?
- Yeah, kind of.
- Happy? ls that what I’m[br]supposed to be, vic?
Happy?
- Why don’t you tell me what you’re supposed to be?
Because I sure as hell can’t figure it out!
I talk to you, and nothing!
You look at me, and it’s nothing!
Nothing.
- Tasty.
I’m really starting to feel like you guys have a history. It’s nice.
- I have a question about this scene.
I don’t understand why Adrianne’s[br]attracted to victor.
- Peel the onion.
First of all, he’s good-looking.
- My character needs a bit more[br]of a reason than that.
- Hey, how about this one?[br]It says so in the script!
I don’t know why my character likes you either.
I mean, it says in the script[br]that you’re a bitch.
- -It doesn’t say that in the script.
- -It does in mine.
- I can blow-dry it, gel it.[br]It doesn’t matter.
I still wind up with this little. . .
. . .cowlick-y thing on the middle part[br]of my head. It’s so annoying.
-Does it bug you?
- You bug me.
- Is there any chance you didn’t see that?
Ross, you gotta stop, okay?
You can’t stare through[br]the peephole for three hours.
You’re gonna get peep-eye.
- I knew it. I knew it.[br]I always knew she liked him.
She’d say no, but here we are. We just[br]broke up, first thing she does!
- You didn’t “just break up. “
- It’s been, like, three weeks!
- You slept with somebody three hours[br]after you thought you broke up.
I mean, bullets have left guns slower.
- Here they come! Here they–
If she kisses him good night, I’ll kill myself.
I can’t watch.
Come on. Date over! Date over!
Here we go. She’s going in.
She’s going in.
Wait! He’s going in!
He’s going in!
The door’s closed! I can’t see[br]anything with the door closed!
- And the inventor of the door[br]rests happily in his grave.
- I have to do something.[br]I have to stop it!
-Stop what?[br]-I don’t know.
But I have a feeling[br]my being there will do it.
I’ll go over and I will[br]borrow something!
Juice! I need juice!
- You can’t!
-They must be stopped![br]-I am your friend. . .
. . .and I won’t let you do this!
You are surprisingly strong!
- I need juice! People need juice!
- Look, man. . . .
- -People need juice!
- Listen to me!
She’s moving on. If it’s not[br]this guy, it’s gonna be somebody else.
And unless you’re thinking about[br]subletting my peephole. . .
. . .you’ll have to get used to the fact[br]that it’s over!
Okay, man? It’s over.
- It’s just I miss her so much.
- I know.
- Why do your coffee mugs have numbers?
- Oh, that’s so Monica can keep track.
So if one of them’s missing,[br]she can be like, “Where’s number 27?”
You know what?
- No, and I don’t think[br]I’m gonna want to.
- -I can’t do this.That’s what I didn’t want to know.
- Oh, I’m just doing this for the wrong reasons, you know?
I’m doing it to get back at Ross.
I’m sorry. It’s not very fair to you.
- Fair, shmair. You know?
You wanna get back at Ross,[br]I am here for you.
Really.
I say we get back at him right here[br]on this couch. Right here!
- Oh, my God.
I’m sorry about this.
- That’s okay.
- You sure?
- I can just go home and get back at him by myself.
- –and should become the penicillin[br]of the 2 1st century.
And so today, this hospital[br]is about to take major steps. . .
. . .toward leading that revolution.
- Can I ask you something?
Where are we?
- Well, with all these doctors[br]and nurses. . .
. . .I’m gonna say, “Midget Rodeo. “
- Just tell me the truth.
- You know, I don’t think[br]I told you this. . .
. . .but I just recently got out of a serious relationship.
- Oh, right.[br]Wasn’t that a year ago?
- So I did tell you.
That’s not really the thing.
I’m just in a place in my life[br]where I need to focus on me.
-Do you know what I mean?[br]-Oh, I know.
-I so want to be attracted to you.
- But you’re not. Okay. Good.
I’m sorry.
- You know what? Don’t be.
Don’t be, because it’s not so bad.
- It’s not?
- Yeah. I know I’m no Jon Bon Jovi.
Or someone you find attractive.
I just think, you know. . .
. . .that you might end up feeling differently.
- I don’t want this[br]to come out wrong. . .
. . .but you’re awfully confident for a guy I said I wasn’t attracted to.
- Stupidly charming, isn’t it?
You wanna get something to eat?
This place is kind of depressing.
- Now the man who made all of this possible, Mr. Peter Becker.
- One second.
- I don’t think this town is big enough for the both of us to relax in.
Draw!
I wasn’t doing anything.
What did she do now?
- Just because she went to Yale, she[br]thinks she’s the greatest actress. . .
. . .since sliced bread.
- Ah, Sliced Bread.[br]A wonderful Lady Macbeth.
- I hate her. I hate her[br]with her “Oh, I’m so talented” . . .
. . .and “Oh, I’m so pretty,”[br]and “Oh, I smell so good. “
- I think somebody has a crush[br]on somebody.
- Can we please try and stay focused[br]on my problem here?
- I’m talking about you,[br]you big, big freak.
- You’re out of your mind!
- You’ve done nothing but talk[br]about her for 48 hours.
If you were in school, you’d be pulling[br]her pigtails and pushing her down now.
- Then how come I keep thinking[br]about her. . .
. . .in all these sexual scenarios and stuff?
- Happy? ls that what I’m[br]supposed to be, vic? Happy?
- Why don’t you tell me what[br]you’re supposed to be, huh?
Because I sure as hell can’t figure it out.
I talk to you, and it’s nothing.
You look at me, and nothing.
Nothing.
- You guys make me fly!
High!
Okay, we’re gonna pick it up here, tomorrow.
- -Well, that was. . . .
- Better?
- Yeah, it was definitely. . .
. . .an improvement.
-Good night.
- -Kate.
You forgot your shoes.
- I’m probably gonna need those, huh?
- Hey, listen. . .
. . .you feel like getting a cup of coffee?
- Kate. . .
. . .you ready to go?
very nice. very nice.
- -See you tomorrow?
- Yeah. Sure.
-Right.[br]-Good night.
- Why isn’t it “Spiderman”?
Like Goldman, Silverman?
- Because it’s not his last name.
- It isn’t?
- It’s not, like. . .
. . .Phil Spiderman.
He’s a Spider-. . .
: : :man:
You know, like, Goldman[br]is a last name.
But there’s no Gold Man.
- There should be a Gold Man!
- How was work?
- Oh, great.
Although I did sit down[br]where there wasn’t a chair.
- By the way, Ross dropped by a box of your stuff.
Oh. Well, I guess I had that one coming.
I’m just gonna throw it out.[br]It’s probably just shampoo and–
- Something wrong?
- No. Nothing.
- So what kind of powers[br]would “Gold Man” have?
- Okay. Well, he would turn things to gold.
- -And things that are already gold?
- -His work is done.
Let’s play my game.
- All right, you yellow-bellied,[br]lily-livered–
Draw!
Yeah, it’s fun.
