- So I told Carl, nobody, no matter[br]how famous their parents are. . .
. . .is allowed to climb[br]on the dinosaur.
Of course, it went[br]right in one ear. . . .
- I love how he cares so much[br]about stuff.
If I squint, I can pretend[br]he’s Alan Alda.
- Oh, good. Another dinosaur story.
When are those gonna become extinct?
- If I was a superhero who could fly[br]and be invisible…
… that would be the best.
- What does Rachel see in this guy?
I love Rachel.
I wish she was my wife.
- Who’s singing?
- When you guys were kids[br]and you played Happy Days…
. . .who were you?[br]I was Richie.
- I was always Joanie.
- Question: Was “Egg the Gellers! “[br]the war cry of your neighborhood?
- It’s the Mattress King!
- Change the channel!
- Wait! I want to see this![br]After I divorce him. . .
. . .half of that kingdom[br]is gonna be mine!
- Despair fills the mattress showroom.
My Kingdom is suddenly[br]without a Queen.
I’m so depressed…
…l’m going to slash…
…my prices!
Check it out!
599 for a California king!
499 for a pillow-top queen set!
I’m going medieval on prices!
- What a wank!
- I cannot believe he’s using[br]our divorce to sell mattresses!
- I know. At $499 for a pillow-top[br]queen, who cares about the divorce?
Those babies will sell themselves!
And I’ m appalled for you, by the way.
- I’m close! I’m cheap! I’m the King!
- Okay, Daddy. We’ll see you[br]tomorrow night. Okay, bye-bye.
- “We”?
- –are having dinner with my Dad[br]tomorrow night. I hope that’s okay.
- Oh, shoot![br]Tomorrow’s not good.
I’ m supposed to fall off[br]the Empire State Building. . .
. . .and land on a bicycle[br]with no seat, so. . . .
- My father doesn’t hate you.
- Please. He refers to me[br]as “Wet-Head. “
- Honey, he calls everybody[br]by a nickname.
I know. Just one dinner. One night. For me. Please?
I just want him to love you like I do.
All right. Well, not exactly like I do.
But if you do come to dinner. . .
. . .I’ll love you like I do in that black thing that you like.
- I’ll go.
- Fine.
- Thank you.
- Hi, Gunther.
- Yeah. We’ll see.
- Hey, you guys!
Guess what.
-I got a gig![br]-
- Great!
- That’s why I can never be an actor.[br]I can’t say “gig. “
- I can’t say “croissant. “[br]Oh, my God!
- -What’s the part?
- -It’s not a part.
I’ m teaching Acting for Soap Operas[br]at the Learning Extension.
- Come on! That’s great!
- It’s my chance to give[br]something back. . .
. . .to the acting community.
- You’ re probably not allowed to sleep[br]with your students.
- I know.
- I don’t know, Monica.[br]It feels funny just being here.
If you buy a bed from[br]Janice’s ex-husband. . .
. . .it’s like betraying Chandler.
- Not at these prices!
- You know, in England this car would be[br]on the other side of the store.
- Come here.
This is my new bed!
You gotta feel this bad boy!
- Monica, it still feels so weird,[br]you know?
Chandler’s your friend.
Oh, my God!
All right, take this bed.[br]You can make other friends.
- Good evening.
I am Mr. Tribbiani.
And I will be teaching acting for Soap Operas.
Now. . .
. . .on my first day as Dr. Drake[br]Ramoray on Days Of Our Lives…
. . .I learned one of the most important[br]things in soap opera acting. . .
. . .is reacting.
This does not mean acting again.
It means you don’t have a line,[br]but someone else just did.
And it goes something like this.
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
By the way, before I forget.[br]To work in soap operas. . .
. . .some of you will have to[br]become more attractive.
All right, moving right along. . . .
- -How was teaching last night?
- Great! You get to say stuff like. . .
. . . “Hey, the bell doesn’t dismiss you.
I dismiss you. “
- Oh, nice.
- Oh, and I got an audition[br]for All My Children!
It’s this great part.
This boxer named Nick.
And I’ m so, so right for it.[br]He’s just like me.
Except that he’s a boxer. . . . .and has an evil twin.
- Hear ye, hear ye![br]Delivery from the Mattress King!
You Miss Geller?
- Sign here.
- Do I have a middle name?
All right. Monica “Felula” . . .
. . .Geller.
It’s that bedroom there.
- Monica bought a bed[br]from the Mattress King?
- Please, please, please[br]don’t say anything to Chandler.
- -You want me to lie to him?[br
- Is that a problem?
- Oh, hey, “Nick the boxer. “[br]Let’s see what you got!
All right, put them up.
- Hey, you’ re pretty good at this.
- I had to learn.[br]I was staying at the “Y” . . .
. . .and some of the young men[br]weren’t acting Christian enough.
- Hey, now!
And I’ m bleeding.[br]Okay, great.
- Wow! And I’ m a vegetarian!
I’ m sorry.[br]We’ll put some ice on it.
Put your head back.
- -I can’t see.
- I have you.
Oh, God!
- Which bedroom do you want it in, Ms. Geller?
- It’s the compulsively neat one by the window.
- Gotcha.
- Hi, Daddy!
- This is where they put us?
What? There was no table[br]in the kitchen?
-Hello, baby.
- You remember Ross.
- Nice to see you again, Dr. Greene.
- So! How’s the library?
- -Museum.
- -What happened to the library?
- r]-There never was a library.
I mean, there are libraries.[br]It’s just. . .
. . .that I’ve never worked at one.
- You know what’s really good here?[br]The lobster.
-Shall I just order three?
- If you’ re really hungry.
It was a joke. I made a joke.
- Actually, Daddy,[br]Ross is allergic to lobster.
- Who’s allergic to lobster? I guess[br]someone that works in a library.
- -It’s–
- I know. It’s a museum!
You’ re the only who can make a joke?[br]At least mine was funny.
Waiter.
We will have two lobsters[br]and a menu.
- So, Dr. Greene, how’s the old boat?
- They found rust. Do you know[br]what rust does to a boat?
- Gives it a nice antique-y look?
- Rust is boat cancer, Ross.
- Wow, I’ m sorry.
When I was a kid,[br]I lost a bike to that.
- Excuse me for a moment.
I want to say good night to the Levines before we go.
- Honey, stop. It’s not that bad.
- Your dad must have added wrong. He only tipped 4%.
- Yeah.That’s Daddy.
- “That’s Daddy”? Doesn’t it[br]bother you? You’ re a waitress
- Yes, it bothers me.
If he was a regular at the coffee[br]house, I’d be serving him sneezers.
- So?
- So, Ross. . .
. . .I’ve bugged him about this[br]a million times. He won’t change.
- Do you really serve people sneezers?
- Well, I don’t.
- All right, kids. Ready?
- Thanks again, Dr. Greene.
- Wait, I think I forgot my receipt.
- You don’t need that.[br]-Why not?
The carbon. It’s messy. I mean,[br]gets on your fingers and causes. . . . .night blindness.
- What is this?
Who put a 20 down here?
- Oh, yeah, that would be me.
I have a problem.
I tip way too much.[br]Way too much.
-It’s a sickness, really.
- Yeah, it is.
-We have to do something about that.
- Excuse me.
You think I’ m cheap?
- He didn’t mean anything by that.[br]He really didn’t.
- Nothing I do means anything. Really.
- This is nice.[br]I pay $200 for dinner.
You put down $20 and you come out[br]looking like Mr. Big Shot.
You really want to be Mr. Big Shot? Here.
I’ll tell you what. You pay the[br]whole bill, Mr. Big Shot. All right?
- Well, “Mr. Big Shot” is better than “Wet-Head. “
- Okay, some tricks of the trade.
Now, I’ve never been able to cry as an actor. . .
. . .so if I have to cry. . .
. . .I cut a hole in my pocket. . .
. . .take a pair of tweezers. . .
. . .and just start pulling.
Or let’s say I want to convey. . .
. . .that I’ve just done something evil.
That would be your basic I’ve-got-a-fish-hook-in-my-eyebrow-and-l-like-it.
Let’s say I’ve just gotten bad news.
Well, all I do there is try and divide 232 by 1 3.
And that’s how it’s done.
Great soap opera acting[br]tonight, everybody.
Class dismissed.
- Hey, Mr. Trib.
Guess what? I got an audition!
- One of my students got an audition.[br]I’ m so proud!
- I was wondering if you’d[br]coach me for it.
- You bet! What’s the part?
- Oh, it’s great!
It’s a role on All My Children. Nick the boxer.
- You couldn’t leave it alone.
- Four percent, okay? I tip more than[br]that when there’s a bug in my food.
- Tonight was about the two of you[br]getting along.
Would you just see[br]my chiropractor already?
- I’ m gonna go to a doctor who went to medical school in a mini-mall.Hey, Pheebs. What are you doing?
- I’ m freaking out!
Monica trusted me with something[br]and she shouldn’t have!
I haven’t lived here in a while,[br]so I have to ask you.
Does Monica still turn the lights on[br]in her room?
- I am so dead!
Look, here’s the bottom line.
This is fixable if we act fast, okay?
I’ll invite him to brunch tomorrow,[br]and you can make nice.
- Honey, I have tried to make nice.[br]It doesn’t work.
- Look, I realize my father[br]is difficult.
But that’s why you have got to be[br]the bigger man here.
- Sweetie, I could be the bigger man.[br]I could be the biggest man.
I could be a huge, giant man, and[br]it still wouldn’t make a difference.
Except I could pick your father up and[br]say, “Like me! Like me, tiny doctor! “
- Can’t you just try it one more time?[br]For me? For me?
- One brunch is not gonna[br]solve anything.
Face it.[br]We’ re never gonna get along.
- Well, you are just going to have to.
I’ve already got a mother and father[br]who cannot stay in the same room.
I don’t want to have a separate room[br]for you too!
- I’ll get the bagels.
- What’s this?
- Isn’t it cool?
- This is not the bed I ordered.
- I know! You must have won[br]a contest or something.
- Why is this car in my bedroom?
- I’ m sorry. I wasn’t looking. . .
. . .and the store won’t take[br]it back, because you signed for it.
- -When did I sign for it?
- -When I was you.
It’s all Joey’s fault,[br]because he left his nose open!
- Did you make brownies today?
- Knock, knock!
- Quick! Take off your dress.[br]He won’t notice the bed.
- I’ m going for sushi.[br]Does anybody want–?
Somebody missed the off-ramp!
- It’s Monica’s bed. What?
- It’s a racecar!
- This has always been Monica’s bed.[br]You just noticed?
How self-involved are you?
- If this bed isn’t new, then how come[br]there’s plastic on the mattress?
- Sometimes I have bad dreams.
- Look. . .
. . .I just saw my best friend’s[br]brain smeared across the canvas.
It’s not gonna be me.
Not me.
- That was good.
That was–
Tweezers?
-That was really good.
- Thanks.
Any suggestions?
- You told him to play the boxer gay?
- I might have said. . .
. . . “super-gay. “
- You totally screwed him over.
- You’ re this guy’s teacher.[br]How could you do this?
- Because the guy’s so good.
And I really, really want this part.
- Well, if you really, really want it,[br]then it’s okay.
- Hi, Daddy.
- Baby.
- Dr. Greene, how are you?
- Thanks for dinner last night.
- Thank you for teaching me[br]a valuable lesson.
- Nice hair. What did you do, swim here?
- That’s it.[br]I can’t take it anymore.
- What? He likes your hair and just[br]wants to know how you got here.
- It’s hopeless. I’ m just gonna go.[br]-What?
-I’ m sorry. It’s just–
- Ross?
What’s with the neck?
- I keep telling him[br]to go to my chiropractor.
- You still going to him?
He couldn’t get into[br]med school in lxtapa!
- Thank you.[br]That’s what I keep saying.
- Excuse me, Dr. Bobby happens[br]to be an excellent doctor.
- Wait a minute.[br]His name is Dr. Bobby?
- -That’s his last name.
- -And his first name.
- He’s Bobby Bobby?
- It’s Robert Bobby.
And excuse me. He helps me.
- -Please. Ask her how?
- What do you need help for?
- My alignment.[br]One leg’s shorter than the other.
-Oh, my God.
- Argue with that.
My right leg is two inches shorter!
- Come on, you’ re just tilting!
-Her legs are fine.[br]-I know that.
-So why do you let her go to him?[br]-“Let her”?
She doesn’t listen to me[br]about renter’s insurance, either.
- Wait a minute. You don’t have[br]renter’s insurance?
How you gonna run after a thief,[br]with one leg shorter than the other?
- -Would you like some juice?[
- -I’d love some juice.
- This is going so well![br]Did you see us? Did you see?
- Yeah, honey. I was standing[br]right there.
Why don’t you tell him about[br]my mole?
- Excellent!
- There will come a time[br]in each of your careers. . .
. . .when you’ll have a chance to screw[br]over another soap opera actor.
I had such an opportunity[br]in the recent present.
And I’ m ashamed to say. . .
. . .that I took it.
I advised a fellow actor[br]to play a role. . .
. . .homosexually.
We both auditioned for the part. . .
. . .and as it turned out. . .
. . .they. . . .
They liked the stupid “gay” thing[br]and cast him.
And now. . .
. . .he’s got a two-year contract. . .
. . .opposite Susan Lucci. . .
. . .the first lady[br]of daytime television.
And me?
Me, I’ m stuck here teaching[br]a bunch of people. . .
. . .most of whom are too ugly[br]to even be on Tv.
I’ m sorry. I’ m sorry.
Thank you.
- May I help you?
- Yes, hi.
I’ m the lady who got stuck[br]with the racecar bed.
- Look, it’s like I told you.[br]There’s nothing I can do.
You signed for it.[br]”Monica Felula Geller. “
- All right, we wanna see the King.
- Nobody sees the King.
- Okay. I’ m talking to the King.
- Hey, you can’t go back there!
- Oh, my God.
- Hey, watch it, lady!
Hey, good-looking.
All right, I’ll leave.
My bed’s so boring.
- attractive :「魅力的な」
She has an attractive smile.（彼女には魅力的な笑顔がある。） - hopeless :「絶望的な」や「望みがない」
「The situation seemed hopeless.（その状況は絶望的に見えた。）」 - here’s the bottom line :「結論としては」や「要するに」
「We’ve discussed many factors, but here’s the bottom line: we need to increase sales.（多くの要因を議論してきましたが、要するに、売り上げを増やす必要があります。）」
