FRIENDS 3-10

Oh, I don’t know.
What?
Well, as old as he is[br]in dog years. . .
. . .do you think Snoopy should[br]still be flying this thing?
Rachel?
Yeah?
Remember when you first came here and[br]you got trained by another waitress?
Sure! Do you need me[br]to train somebody new?
Good one.
Actually, Terry wants you[br]to take the training again.
Whenever.
Do you believe that?
Yeah.
So that’s two boxes of the Holiday Macaroons.
On behalf of the Brown Birds of America,[br]I salute you.
Just admit it. You have no backhand.
Excuse me, little one.[br]I have a very solid backhand.
Shielding your face and shrieking like a girl. . .
. . .is not a backhand.
I was shrieking. . .
. . .Iike a Marine.
All right, watch me execute[br]the three P’s of championship play.
Power. . .
. . .precision. . .
. . .and panache.
You broke a little girl’s leg?
I know. I feel horrible, okay?
It says here that a Muppet got whacked[br]on Sesame Street last night.
Where exactly were you around 1 0-ish?
I’m going to see her.[br]I wanna bring her something.
-What would she like?
A Hello Kitty doll?
The ability to walk?
I’m gonna get back to retraining.
All right. See you, guys.
Look out, kids!
He’s coming!
I gotta go sell Christmas trees.
Have fun.
Oh, wait! No, don’t!
I forgot. I am totally[br]against that now.
What? Me having a job?
No, I am against innocent trees[br]being cut down in their prime. . .
. . .and their corpses[br]grotesquely dressed. . .
. . .in, like, tinsel and twinkly lights.
How do you sleep at night?
Well, I’m pretty tired[br]from lugging the trees around.
You got this all wrong.
Those trees[br]were born to be Christmas trees.
They’re fulfilling their life purpose[br]by making people happy.
Really?
Yes!
Yes, and the trees are happy too. . .
. . .because for most of them,[br]it’s their only. . .
. . .chance to see New York.
After you deliver the drinks,[br]take the tray–
Gunther, please. I have worked here[br]for two and a half years.
I know the empty trays go over there.
What if you put them here?
That’s actually a good idea.[br]They’ll be closer to the mugs.
You should have the other[br]waitresses do that too.
They already do.
That’s why they call it the tray spot.
I heard them talk about that. I just[br]thought it was a club they went to.
-I’m sorry.
It’s all right.
Sweetheart.
So this must be kind of neat[br]for you, huh?
Your dad tells me[br]you get school off. . .
. . .and you don’t have to sell[br]those cookies anymore.
I kind of wanted to sell the cookies.
Whoever sells the most wins a trip to Space Camp. .
. . .and gets to sit in a real shuttle.
You really like[br]all this space stuff, huh?
My dad says if I’d spend as much time helping him clean apartments. . .
. . .as I do daydreaming[br]about outer space. . .
. . .he’d be able to afford a trip[br]to the Taj Mahal.
You’d have to clean a lot of apartments[br]to go all the way to lndia.
No. The one in Atlantic City.[br]Dad loves the slots.
He says he’ll double the college money Grandma left me.
Well, good luck to Dad.
Say, how many more boxes would you[br]have to sell in order to win?
The girl who won last year sold 475.
So far, I’ve sold 75.
Four hundred, huh?
Well, that sounds doable.[br]How much are the boxes?
Five dollars a box.
And what is second prize?
A 1 0-speed bike. But I’d rather have[br]something my dad couldn’t sell.
Well, that makes sense.
Could you do me one favor?
Yeah, Sarah. Anything.
Could you pull the curtains open?
The shuttle astronauts[br]are gonna be on the news.
We don’t have a Tv,[br]so the lady across the alley. . .
. . .said she’d push hers up[br]to her window so I can watch it.
Yes?
Hi. I’m selling[br]Brown Bird cookies.
You’re no Brown Bird.[br]I can see you through my peephole.
Hi. I’m an honorary Brown Bird.
What does that mean?
It means that I can sell cookies,[br]but I’m not invited to sleepovers.
I can dial 911 at the press of a button, you know.
Now, go away!
Please, please.[br]It’s for a poor little girl. . .
. . .who wants to go to Space Camp[br]more than anything in the world.
I’m pressing.
A policeman is on his way.
Okay, okay! I’m going, I’m going.
I can still see you!
All right!
-What are you doing here?
-I thought a lot about what you said. . .
. . .and I realize maybe[br]I was a little judgmental.
Yeah. Oh, but, oh.
Now, now, Phoebe, remember. . .
. . .they’re just fulfilling[br]their Christmas–
-Destiny. Yes.[br]-Sure.
That one doesn’t look[br]very fulfilled.
That’s one of the old ones.
He’s just taking it to the back.
You keep the old ones in the back?
That is so ageist.
We’re making room for the fresh ones.
So what happens to the old guys?
They go into the chipper.
I have a feeling that’s not as happy as it sounds.
These are shaped like Christmas characters.
Santa, Rudolph and Baby Jesus.
I’ll take a box of the[br]cream-filled Jesuses.
One box? I’m trying to send a little girl to Space Camp.
I’m putting you down for 5 boxes.[br]What about you?
All right. Do you have any[br]coconut-flavored deities?
No, but there’s coconut in the[br]Hanukkah Menorah-eos.
I’ll put you down for 8 boxes.[br]One for each night.
Mon?
I’ll take a box of the Mint Treasures.
One, and that’s it.
I gained weight after[br]I joined the Brown Birds.
Remember? Dad bought every one[br]of my boxes and I ate them all.
No, Mon. Dad had to buy every one of your boxes. . .
. . .because you ate them all.
But, you know, I’m sure that’s[br]not gonna happen this time.
Why don’t I put you down for 3 Mint[br]Treasures and a couple of Rudolphs?
No.
Oh, come on, now. You know you want them.
Don’t do this.
I’ll tell you what, I’ll give you the first box for free.
Oh, God! I gotta go!
Come on! All the cool kids[br]are eating them.
And later, I’ll show you why[br]we don’t just trap spiders. . .
. . .under coffee mugs[br]and leave them there.
I’m training to be better at a job[br]that I hate. My life officially sucks!
Wasn’t this supposed to be temporary?[br]You wanted to do fashion stuff.
Yeah, I’m still pursuing that.
How, exactly, are you pursuing that?
Other than sending out resumes,[br]like, what? Two years ago?
Well, I’m also sending out. . .
. . .good thoughts.
If you ask me, as long as you[br]got this job. . .
. . .you got nothing pushing you[br]to get another one.
You need The Fear.
-The Fear?
-He’s right.
Quit this job, and you’ll have motivation[br]to go after a job you really want.
Why are you still at a job you hate?[br]Why don’t you quit and get The Fear?
Because I’m too afraid.
I don’t know. I’d give anything[br]to work for a designer or a buyer.
I just don’t want to be 30[br]and still work here.
Yeah, that’d be much worse than[br]being 28 and still working here.
Remind me to review with you which pot is decaf and which is regular.
Can’t I just look at the handles[br]on them?
You would think.
Okay, fine. Gunther, you know what?[br]I am a terrible waitress.
Do you know why I’m a terrible waitress? Because I don’t care.
I don’t care which pot is regular and which pot is decaf.
I don’t care where the tray spot is.
I just don’t care.[br]This is not what I want to do.
So I don’t think I should do it anymore.
-I’m giving my week’s notice.
What?
Gunther, I quit.
Does this mean we have to start[br]paying for coffee?
Okay, 1 2.
Twenty-two.
Eighteen.
What?
I spelled out “boobies” .
Put me down for another box[br]of the Mint Treasures, okay?
Where are the Mint Treasures?
We’re out. I sold them all.
What?
Monica, I’m cutting you off.
Just a couple more boxes.
It’s no big deal, all right? I’m cool.
You gotta help me[br]with a couple more boxes!
Look at yourself.[br]You have cookie on your neck.
Oh, God!
-So how many you sold so far?
Check this out.
-Five hundred and seventeen boxes!
-Oh, my God! How did you do that?
The other night I was leaving[br]the museum. . .
. . .just as Laser Floyd was letting out of the planetarium.
Without even trying, I sold 50 boxes!
That’s when it occurred to me. The key to my success: The munchies.
So I started hitting the NYU dorms[br]around midnight.
I am selling cookies by the case.
They call me “Cookie Dude” !
Stop what you’re doing. I need[br]envelope stuffers, stamp lickers. . . .
-Who did these resumes for you?
Me. On my computer.
You sure used a large font.
Yeah. Well, “Waitress at[br]a Coffeehouse” . . .
. . .and “Cheer Squad Co-Captain”[br]only took up so much room.
Hey, that’s funny!
You’re funny, Chandler![br]You’re a funny guy!
You know what else is funny?
Something else I might have said?
I don’t know. Weren’t you the guy[br]that told me to quit my job. . .
. . .when I had absolutely[br]nothing else to do?
Calm down. It’s gonna be okay.
No, it’s not gonna be okay.[br]Tomorrow is my last day. . .
. . .and I don’t have a lead.
You know what?[br]I’m just gonna call Gunther. . .
. . .and tell him I’m not quitting.
You don’t want to give in to The Fear.
You and your stupid Fear! I hate your Fear!
I would like to take[br]you and your Fear–
Hey! I got great news!
Run, Joey! Run for your life!
What? Rach, listen. Have you ever[br]heard of Fortunata Fashions?
My dad’s got a plumbing job there[br]and he heard there’s an opening.
You want him to get you an interview?
Oh, my God, yes! I would love that![br]That’s so sweet, Joey.
Not a problem.
And now, for the great news.
That wasn’t the great news?
Only if you think[br]it’s better than this.
Snow-in-a-Can!
You want me to decorate the window?
Give it kind of a Christmas looky?
Christmas cookie?
Okay, and this one here’s[br]a Douglas fir.
Now, it’s a little more money,[br]but you get a nicer smell.
Looks good. I’ll take it.
Wait, wait. No, no! You don’t want that one!
No, no. You can have[br]this cool brown one.
It’s almost dead.
That’s why you have to buy it,[br]to fulfill its Christmas destiny.
Otherwise, they’ll throw it into the chipper. Tell him.
Yeah, the trees that don’t fulfill[br]their Christmas destiny. . .
. . .are thrown in the chipper.
I think I’m gonna look around[br]a little bit more.
You gotta stop doing this.
I’m working on commission here!
I’m here to pick out my Christmas tree.
Well, look no further![br]This one’s yours!
Is this the one that I threw out last year?
Never mind!
Everybody wants a green one!
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean[br]to get so emotional.
The holidays are just hard.
Oh, honey. Is that because[br]your mom died around Christmas?
I wasn’t even thinking about that.
Hi there.[br]How many did you sell?
I’m not gonna tell you. You’re the[br]bad man who broke Sarah’s leg.
Hey, now. That was an accident, okay?
You’re a big scrud.
What’s a scrud?
Why don’t you look[br]in the mirror, scrud?
I don’t have to. I can just look at you.
All right, girls. . .
. . .and man.
Let’s see your final tallies.
Debbie.
Three hundred and twenty-one[br]boxes of cookies. very nice.
Not nice enough.
Charla.
Two hundred and seventy-eight.
Sorry, dear, but still good.
Good for a scrud.
Yes, Elizabeth.
Eight hundred and seventy-one.
That’s crap!
Sister Brown Bird.
Good going.
Who’s next?
-Hi there.
-Hi.
And batting for Sarah. . .
. . .Ross Geller.
Eight hundred and seventy-two.
Although, it looks like you bought[br]an awful lot of cookies yourself.
That is because my doctor[br]says that I have. . .
. . .a very serious. . .
. . .nougat. . .
. . .deficiency.
Tell us what happened, Brown Bird Ross.
I lost. Some little girl loaned[br]her uniform to her 1 9-year-old sister. . .
. . .who went down to the U. S. S. Nimitz[br]and sold over 2000 boxes.
-How’d the interview go?
Oh, I blew it.
I wouldn’t have even hired me.
Come here, sweetie.
Listen. . .
. . .you’re gonna go on, like,[br]1 000 interviews before you get a job.
That’s not how that was supposed[br]to come out.
This is just the worst Christmas ever.
Maybe you should just[br]stay here at the coffeehouse.
I can’t. It’s too late. Terry already[br]hired that girl over there.
Look at her.
She’s even got waitress experience.
Last night she was. . .
. . .teaching everybody[br]how to make. . .
. . .napkins. . .
. . .into. . . .
That word was “swans. “
Well, seeing that drunk Santa wet[br]himself really perked up my Christmas.
Oh, my God!
Merry Christmas!
You saved them![br]You guys!
Oh, God, you’re the best!
Looks like Night of the[br]Living Dead Christmas Trees.
Yeah, this is she.
You’re kidding! You’re kidding!
Oh, thank you! I love you!
Sure, everybody loves a kidder.
I got the job!
That’s great.
God bless us, everyone!
Here we go. I’m serving[br]my last cup of coffee.
There you go.
Enjoy.
-Should I tell her I ordered tea?
No.
Excuse me, everyone?
This is my last night working here. . .
. . .and I just wanted to say. . .
. . .that I made some good friends here.
And it’s just time to move on.
And no offense to everybody[br]who still works here. . .
. . .but you have no idea how good[br]it feels to say. . .
. . .that as of this moment. . .
. . .I will never have[br]to make coffee again.
Now, Mr. Kaplan Sr.[br]Iikes his coffee strong.
So you want to use two bags[br]instead of one.
Now, pay attention.[br]This part’s tricky.
See, some people use filters[br]just once. . . .
I’m sorry you didn’t get to go[br]to Space Camp. . .
. . .and I’m hoping that maybe somehow[br]this may help make up for it. Okay?
Presenting. . .
. . .Sarah Tuddle’s[br]Private very Special Space Camp!
You don’t have to do this.
Oh, come on, here we go!
Stand by for mission countdown!
Ten.
Nine.
Eight.
Okay, blast off!
I’m an alien! I’m an alien!
Oh, no! An asteroid!

いけないな
スヌーピーはご高齢だ
飛行機の操縦は危ない
レイチェル
最初にウェートレスの訓練を受けたろ？
新人の訓練なら任せて
面白い
そうじゃなくて再特訓を受けてもらいたい
信じられる？
はい
クリスマスクッキー　2箱ね
ブラウンバードから敬礼
君はバックが打てない
失礼な
俺のバックは強烈だ
悲鳴あげて顔を隠すのはバックじゃない
悲鳴じゃない
あれは霧笛だ
プレーに必要な3要素を教えよう

パワー
正確さ
気迫
骨折させた？
反省してる
「セサミに暴漢　現る」だって
君のアリバイは？
あの少女へのお見舞いは何がいい？
キティちゃんか
歩く能力
再特訓よ
行ってくる
良い子たち
逃げろ
ツリーを売りに
楽しんで
いえダメよ
私は反対だわ
俺のバイトに？
罪のない木を売ることよ
切って　死体をライトで飾るなんてグロテスクだわ
寝覚めが悪い？
仕事疲れでグッスリ
心配ないよ
ツリーも使命を知ってる
人が喜べば本望なのさ
本当？
そうとも
ツリーになったおかげでNYも観光できた
空のトレーはどこに？
私は2年半のベテランよ
トレーはそこに置くわ
置くのはここだ
カップに近くて便利ね
他の店員にも徹底させたら？
してるよ
ここはトレー・スポットだ
それってみんなが行くクラブの名かと思ってた
ごめん
いいんだ
いとしの君
かえって良かったんじゃない？
学校は休めるしクッキーも売らなくていい
私は売りたかった
一番多く売るとスペースシャトルに乗れるの
君は宇宙ものが相当好きみたいだね
宇宙を夢見てる時間にパパの仕事を手伝って稼げばタージ・マハールに行けるって
パパは大げさだ
インドは遠いよ
カジノへの旅費分でいいの
あとはスロットでパパが稼ぐ
ツキが来るといいね
あと何箱売れば1位になれるの？
去年1位だった子は475箱よ
私はまだ75箱
あと400箱か
僕が買おういくらだい？
1箱　5ドル
2位の賞品は？
自転車よ
でもパパに売られるわ
言えてるね
1つお願いしていい？
いいとも　サラ
カーテンを開けて
シャトルのニュースがあるの
向かいの家のテレビを窓から見せてもらうのよ
ブラウンバードのクッキー　いかが？
大人が販売を？
穴から見えるよ
どうも僕は名誉隊長です
だから？
まだ子供だ
親が外泊を許さないもの
警察に電話するよ
さっさと帰りな
お願いです
宇宙センター好きの貧しい子のためを思って
ダイヤル中だよ
警官が来る
帰りますよ
まだ見えてる
何しに？
あれから考えたの私は頭が固すぎたかも
でも
心配ないってこの木は使命を果たして
本望ね
あれは本望じゃない
古いのは裏に運ぶ
裏にしまうの？
年寄り差別だわ
世代交代だよ
老人の木は？
チップになる
どこが幸せなのよ
形はクリスマスの定番だ
サンタにトナカイにキリスト
キリストを1箱くれ
可哀想な子のためだぞ
君は５箱にしよう
チャンドラーは？
「ココナツ味の神々」あるかな？
ココナツ味ならユダヤ教の燭台だ
君には8箱売ろう
モニカは？
ミント味の秘宝を1箱だけ
昔クッキー売りで太ったの
父さんが全箱買ってくれた
お前が全箱食べたから仕方なく買ったんだ
今はあんな大食いしないさ
お前は秘宝を3箱とトナカイ2箱だ
ダメ
食べたいくせに
いけないわ
じゃ1箱はサービスだ
やめて
良い子にお勧めだ
それからカップでクモを捕まえちゃいけないよ
やる気ないのにウンザリ
お先真っ暗よ
ファッション関係の仕事希望だっけ？
転職を狙ってる
どう狙ってる？
前回応募したのは2年前じゃ？
応募してるわ
心の中では
当座の仕事がある限り前進はできない
リスクを負え
リスク？
ここを辞めないと希望の職に本気になれない
じゃなぜあなたは会社を辞めないの？
弱虫だから
何とかしてデザイナーかバイヤーの下で働きたいわ
このまま30歳になったら？
28歳でこのままより酷い状態だ
デ・カフェのポットを教えるよ
取っ手で分かるわ
またハズレ
もういいわガンター
私は最低なウェートレスよ
なぜか分かる？
どうだっていいからよ
どれがデ・カフェだろうがね
だってやりたい仕事じゃないもの
もう限界よ
新人を雇って
私は辞める
私は辞める
今後コーヒーは有料？
12足す
22足す
18
なんだ？
逆に見るとおっぱい
買うわ
秘宝をもう1箱
秘宝は？
売り切れだ
お前のためだ
そんなのイヤ　あと2箱だけ
大した量じゃない
助けると思って
もう二重顎だ
ウソ
何箱売れた？
驚くな
517箱
どう売り捌いた？
博物館でレーザーで見るフロイト・ショーの後に出口で50箱も売れた
小腹のすいた客が狙い目なんだよ
そこで夜中に大学の寮へ訪問販売さ
段ボールごと売れて
クッキー野郎と呼ばれた
順に封筒に入れて切手を貼って
履歴書の印刷は
俺がパソコンで
やけに大きい字だ
経歴がウェートレスとチアリーダーしかないから
面白い
あなたって面白い人ねなぜか分かる？
ギャグ　言った？
その取り柄のない私に転職を勧めたのはあなたよ
何とかなるさ
無理よ明日で店を辞めるのに当てもない
ガンターに辞めないって言うわ
逃げることになる
あんたに言われる筋合いはない
説教なんか御免よ
いい話が
逃げろ　危険だ
フォーチュナタ社は知ってる？
いいえ
親父がそこで配管工事してて面接の口を利くって
ぜひお願いよ
嬉しいわ
いいさ
じゃいい話を
今のじゃ？
もっとすごい
スノー・スプレー入手
窓を飾ろうよ
クリスマス・チックに
クリスマス・クッキー？
この木は少し高価ですが香りはいいです
買うよ
待ってダメよ
この茶色のにして
もう枯れてる
だから買うの
使命のためよ
でなきゃ殺される　言って
ツリーの使命を果たせずチップにされます
他を見て回る
頼むよ
このバイトは歩合制だ
注文したツリーは？
お待たせモニカのよ
私が去年捨てた木？
もういいわ
緑の木だけが人気ね
取り乱してごめん
クリスマスの時期は苦手よ
お母さんが亡くなった時期ね
忘れてた
やあ　何箱売った？
サラを骨折させた悪い人ね
わざとじゃない
アホアホよ
それ何？
鏡みれば？　アホアホ
アホっていう人がアホだ
女子隊員
男性もね
成績発表を
デビー
321箱の売上ね
まだまだ
シャーラは？
278箱
エリザベスはどう？
871箱
バカな
同輩ながらあっぱれ
敬礼を
次は誰？
お待たせ
サラの代理人
ロス・ゲラー
872箱
自分で大量に購入した
主治医が言うには僕は深刻な病気
欠乏症
成績は？ロス隊員
負けた
1位の子は19歳の姉が隊員姿で海軍船に訪問
自分が面接官でも
元気出して
あと1000回は面接を受けるんだから
励まし間違いだ
最悪のクリスマスね
レイチェルならこの店に
手遅れよ　もう新人が入ったの
しかもウォートレスの経験者
彼女はみんなにナプキンの折り方も教えてた
出来上がりは
白鳥だって
酔ったサンタのおもらし見て　満足
メリー・クリスマス
ありがとう
なんて優しいの
ゾンビのクリスマス
私ですが
ご冗談でしょ？
もう幸せです
採用よ
神のおかげ
お待たせ
最後のコーヒーよ
どうぞごゆっくり
注文は紅茶
すみません
ここで働く最後の夜なので一言挨拶を
いい友達もできたし私は卒業します
同僚のみんなには
こんなにさわやかな気分になるとは思わなかったわ
もう一生コーヒー
社長には濃いコーヒーを
ここからが複雑だよ
フィルターはすぐ捨てるな
こちらはサラ様専用の
気が引けるわ